xiv

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my eyes fluttered open as i scanned around the surroundings. my vision was still blur, and i could barely see anything clearly. i tried my best to get up, but i felt a sharp pain in my abdomen instead. i groaned in grogginess as i held my stomach.

i felt that my hands were touching an empty area instead. the surface was smooth with no bumps. it felt like i was scraping my hand across the surface of an ice.

a feeling of happiness and relief washed over me. a smile immediately formed on my lips as i kept on touching my stomach. there weren't a big bump of stomach anymore. there wasn't a pile of fat in my stomach anymore.

i became too elated and i immediately sat up on my bed. my head was still spinning but i tried my best to ignore it. placing my legs down the floor, i went down the bed and sauntered towards the standing mirror near the window.

reflecting me now was a girl whom i actually can't recognize anymore. my stomach was as flat as the floor and my arms looked so long and thin. my legs, it was definitely a super model's material. i looked skinny. i am skinny, right now. my chubby cheeks has flattened too and now i don't look like i have a lot of fats.

i feel pretty, right now. yet my face looked so pale and white and my lips were really dry. yet i feel so dead, so lifeless that i even collapsed right on the ground because i had stand for too long.

•••

apparently i've not consumed any food for twelve hours but i still felt full. the nurse gave me things to eat but i refused it because i was not hungry, at all.

i was sitting on the hospital bed, dressed in hospital gowns. the clothes looked baggy of me because of my petite figure. till now, i was still shocked to accept the fact that i had actually became skinny.

all of a sudden, there was a knock on the door and i jerked my head towards the direction. the door was slowly being slided open and there stood the person that i did not expect the most.

"jae hee," my name left namjoon's lips as he quickly dashed towards me. stopping in front of me, he scanned me from head to toe and an expression of shocked was painted on his face.

"is this," he gasped loudly as he blinked his eyes unbelievably. "is this y-you?" he stuttered with an unsure voice.

somehow, i felt hurt that he couldn't recognize me. but at the same time, i couldn't blame him. after all, i had changed a lot too.

i tried to plaster a smile on my lips. "yeah, this is shin jae hee."

namjoon didn't looked pleased with my answer. instead, he was clenching his jaw tightly and i could see he was trying to keep his cool down.

"do you know, how worried was i when i found out that you were missing?" he whispered in a cracked voice.

"i was panicking and i felt scared that i couldn't see you. i tried to find you everywhere but you couldn't be found. i felt like my heart was bursting out. i felt so lost at that moment. until, jimin actually called me and told me that he saw you entering this beauty centre." he continued as he talked in a soft voice. the next thing i knew, i could see beads of tears rolling down his cheeks. i quickly took a piece of tissue from the tissue box on the night stand and handed it to him.

but he refused to take it and grabbed my hand instead. his tears were still continuously falling like glass beads as his thumb was sliding over my skin.

"no, this is not you." he told me exasperatedly as he looked at me again.

"this is me, namjoon." i kept on telling him but he just shook his head violently. i could tell hard that he was trying to prevent his tears from falling again but he just could not.

"has the promise we made together disappeared somewhere with time?" namjoon questioned. i froze as i could feel my heart stopped beating at that instant.

"this isn't the shin jae hee that i know. you're a completely different... person. the jae hee i used to know is beautiful, lively. right now, the girl in front of me just looks lifeless and pale."

i could feel anger rising in me. was he insulting my looks right now? but i underwent the surgery for better change, why wasn't he happy for me that i looked pretty right now?

"are you saying that i'm not beautiful right now? for all i know, i look completely better compared to my previous figure. i felt so accomplished, and most importantly, i felt pretty. and that was what i wanted at the start." i replied as i tried to pry my hands away from him. but he only held my hands tighter, not willing to let go.

"this is not called being pretty, jae hee. this isn't the right way. you are just hurting your health and yourself. have you ever thought of the consequences if you undergo a surgery? there are many side effects. and the surgery could even fail," he whispered the last part.

"but i am here right now, aren't i?" i answered back. he did not respond but just stared at our intertwined hands instead.

"you know namjoon," i breathed out. "i wanted to become happier and stronger, but why am i getting weaker instead?"

"it's because right now, you are not you, jae hee."

-

tysm for the 1k votes omf!¡¡! i love all of you so much hehe

idk omf i'm going to eat dinner outside rn and i can already foresee myself being awkward with my relatives oops

i hope all of you stay healthy, safe and hydrated as always :')))

i hope all of you stay healthy, safe and hydrated as always :')))

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