In Love With My Best Friend (Ziam, Larry)

Chapter 35

Zayn's POV

 Why do I care so much about this? Why can't I just get over it? Why couldn't I have just gone through with it, instead of making a fool of myself? Why am I still continuing to be upset about it all?

Memories from the past shouldn't stop me from doing things I want to do but I can't help that they do. When I was 16 I fell really hard for this girl named Ella. She was my first love, but when I told her I loved her she didn't return the feelings but she still stayed with me. I lost my virginity with her but the next day she dumped me. She told me I wasn't good enough for her and she never felt strongly of me. So I now have some issues when it comes to that category. I have to make sure they feel the way I feel for them before doing anything because love is more important than sex. It's hard because for some it takes a long time to fall in love with someone but for me I need to wait. I don't want the past repeating itself.

I know Liam well enough to know he would never do anything like that but I just can't help but feel like he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do for him. I feel like I've pressured him into this relationship by being miserable and not being the same around him after I told him how I felt. That's probably why he is in a relationship with me because otherwise we wouldn't get along and the band would be affected or he just felt sorry for me. Because that's what Liam does. He puts everyone before himself and in this case he is putting my feelings and the future of the band in front of his own feelings.

I let my feelings take control of me and not see what was really going on this whole time. Of course Liam doesn't have those feelings towards me, he's straight, and he always has been. He's said it himself.  And he can't just stop loving Danielle, I mean it's Dani! He was so in love with her...he would still be in love with her. I don't think I can do this anymore. I will never be good enough and he will never love me the way I love him and it's too much for me. It was always better off when we were friends anyway and of course I ruined that too. Our friendship was solid and I completely made it all about me and screwed it up. 

So what's next?

My hands gripped the sides of the sink, as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I looked tired. I hadn't gotten much sleep last night and it is showing. My hair was messy, I didn't bother doing it nicely and my top isn't even clean. I sighed pulling my shirt over my head and throwing it to the floor. I left my on-suit and explored my room in search of a shirt. There was a knock on the door, when I found a top I liked. 

"Come In." I called, as I expected it to be either Harry or Louis. I didn't hear or see what happened when Harry left my room. I was too preoccupied and had my back to whoever just came in my room, as I put on a new and fresh shirt. When I turned Liam stood there smiling at me with a sad look. I only glanced at him for a moment before taking my eyes off him and pretending to be doing something else. Rude...I know, but I just don't know what I'm meant to say to him. I heard him sigh but he didn't say anything. From the sounds I was hearing, I knew he walked over and sat on the bed. He stayed quiet and still nothing had been said between the two of us. I had to stop being such a baby and talk to him. I can't exactly ignore him.

After some arguments with myself in my head, I decided to just talk to him. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and turned around, opening them again when I was faced with Liam. It took me a few moments to directly focus my attention on Liam and when I did I was completely shocked. I walked up to him slowly, caressing his cheek with my hand. He watched me carefully, not taking his eyes off me. "What happened?" I asked. His jaw was bruised and purple and very large. I ran my thumb across it and he flinched away. "Liam." I said sternly.

He shrugged. "Nothing I didn't deserve." He answered.

"Oh don't be stupid." I told him. "Harry?" I asked, knowing exactly that he was the one that did this to his face. He sighed and nodded. I let out a small laugh. "He hit you pretty hard." I chuckled. And even though he had a huge bruise on his face, Liam still manages to look beautiful.