*trigger warning: this chapter contains self-harm*
I continued walking and when i arrived at the grocery store i quickly looked at the windows trying to see my reflection. The marks of his hands were still there but there was no way i could hide it so i just hoped that no one would notice it. As i walked through the grocery store i saw people staring at my neck. Fudge, they're seeing it. I walked towards the bread section and saw Mark standing there. My heart started beating faster and i slowly walked away. As much as i loved him i was still too ashamed and i didn't want him to see the marks on my neck. It was too late. He already saw me. He smiled and i smiled back. I couldn't help but smile when i saw his. "Hey! I'm glad to see you again!" He says and he hugs me. There's that amazing feeling again... "I'm very glad to see you too, i missed you!" i say and i suddenly realise what i've said. Mark smiled. "Do you mind coming over to my house?" he asked and i couldn't believe it. He's asking me to come to his house!! I nod and feel happy. I walk with him through the rest of the store. We're standing in line to pay our food and i look at the buns that i'm holding. Suddenly i hear my father's words. "Slow fat mess" and i put the food away. "You're not hungry?" Mark asks and he looks at me with his amazing eyes. "No haha" and i try to put on the best smile i have.
I help Mark with carrying all the food and i walk with him towards his house. I quickly look at my house. Great, my father's car is gone. I walk with Mark towards his door and when he opens it my fangirl heart dies. I can't believe i'm in HIS house! Mark puts the groceries on the kitchen table and walks with me towards the couch. "Do you want something to drink?" he asks. "Yes, may i have water?" i ask and he nods. I still have my jacket on. I hope he won't see the marks. He puts the glass of water on the table opposite of me and he sits next to me. "How did you sleep?" He asks. "Uhmm... not very good and you?" "Me neither, i was awake the whole night. Why couldn't you sleep?" He asks. Suddenly it feels like i'm talking to my mom back when she was still alive and i smile a little. "Nightmares. I have them all the time." I say. For a moment he looks like he feels sorry. "Oh i see that you still have your jacket on! I will hang it up for you." He says and he smiles at me. For a second i doubt but i decided to put my jacket off. I'll just try to come up with a story that my brother and i were play fighting. I give him my jacket and he hangs it up for me.
Mark sits back down and i nervously sip my water. When his eyes fall on my neck they get bigger. "Oh my god what happened?" He says touching my neck with his fingertips. I slightly grunt at the pain. "Umm.. i... uhmm..." i don't know what to do anymore and i start crying. "Shh it's okay it's okay" Mark says and he holds me close against him. "You can tell me everything" he says and he looks in my eyes while drying my tears with his fingers. "If you promise not to tell anyone" i say. He nods and waits for me to tell it to him. "It's my dad..." i say. For a moment he looks shocked but then i see compassion in his eyes. "He beats me all the time and i don't know what to do i've been struggling with depression and...-" I tell him the whole story but leave the self harm part out of it. I'm too ashamed to tell him. His eyes tear up and he hugs me again. This hug lasts longer than the ones he gave before.
"I feel so sorry for you Laura" he says and he holds my hands. I smile and give him a quick kiss on his cheek for his sweetness. "We have to do something Laura, this isn't normal." he says. I feel nervous again. "No no! Please don't tell it to anyone!" i say and i start crying again. "I won't but your dad needs serious help" he says and he looks in my eyes. "..and so do you." He says. I look to the ground. "But he's starting to act normal again! Those hand marks are from 3 days ago! He just doesn't know how to control himself sometimes. It's not that big of a deal" i lie. "Laura! Choking someone is a VERY BIG deal! You could've died!" He's actually right.. I think. "I know... But he has only done it once and I don't think he will do it again." Mark sighs. "I just want you to come to my place when he does that stuff again." he says and he hugs me once more. I nod. We talk for a while again and I prepare myself to leave. He opens the door for me and i thank him for the drink. When we say goodbye he gives me a kiss on the cheek and he hugs me. I walk away and wave him goodbye.
"I don't know what to do. What that father does is insane." i think and i walk around the room. I nervously bite my lip and think of a solution. I'll just keep an eye out to her.
"Shit shit shit! Why did i told him about it!?" i thought to myself as i walked back home. I couldn't believe it. I told Mark my deepest secret and he will obviously go to the police and i will probably have to go to a different family! I couldn't stop thinking about it. I arrived at my house and i walked towards my room. It's all my fault. I thought to myself. It's my fault that my father acts like that. It's my fault. My dad was right i shouldn't have been born. I couldn't stop my thoughts and they made me crazy. I grabbed my blade and rolled up my sleeves. I couldn't stop and every cut i made started getting deeper and deeper. My tears mixed with the blood on my arm. I deserve the pain. I thought to myself. I let go of the blade and i felt down on the floor crying. I wanna scream but there's no sound. My life is one big hell and i can't handle it anymore. I was afraid of dying but sometimes it seemed like it was the only way to stop the pain.