Chapter One

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'Ava-' somebody was yelling from behind me, but my thoughts were jumbled, knotted like spaghetti and the alcohol was kicking in and taking a toll on my vision. "Jesus Christ Ava!" Rosie's grip was tight around my wrist now.

"I'm just-" and I was panting even thought I'd taken about five steps, "I was just going to get another drink" I tried to reassure her, wiggling my empty red cup in her face my words fumbling out as I carried on walking forwards, tugging down on the little piece of material around my body.

She shook her head, "You're going to Josh."

It took a minute for her words to sink in and I blinked slowly, lord why did I keep drinking? It was this horrible cycle of drinking, waking up the next morning with the most disgusting headache, taking a vow to never drinking again and repeating within the next fourty-eight hours.

"Speak of the devil," I heard Rosie mutter and I didn't even need to look to know he would be standing in front of me. "That's nice of you," Rosie was saying but I wasn't really paying attention, "But she isn't cold so you can keep your jacket.' I managed to catch.

Just like that Josh's jacket was around me, draped loosely across my shoulders, the smell of his all too familiar aftershave slowly filling my lungs and it felt like home. "Actually," I pulled it a little tighter around myself, the feeling of being safe slowly returning, funny how a piece of clothing, something so insignificant could be so nostalgic. "I am a little cold." I said, the corners of my lips twitching into a smile I couldn't hide as my eyes locked with his.

"Why don't you come with me?" he smiled, his voice was a little rough but laced with so much confidence it felt like a sin to refuse and I'd lost control over my movements as I closed the gap between up.

"No-" Rosie piped in, coming between us. I admired her efforts but Josh and I were magnets, two toxic magnets that despite all life had to offer would find our ways back to each other.

The next two minutes were a blur of giggles, and stumbling up the staircase, and I didn't even know who's house this was, and my back was slammed against a door, and Josh's lips were on my neck and I was pushing him away from me laughing, as he managed to push open the door behind me and we stumbled in and suddenly we were on a bed. My hands were trailing down to the hem of my dress, as I struggled to lift it over my head but he shook his head.

"You don't want this, you're not thinking straight." he was breathing heavy. He placed his hand over mine so I couldn't lift it any further.

But I shushed him, placing my finger on his lips, "Are you seeing someone?" and I didn't know why I asked questions I didn't want to hear him answer.

He shook his head, "That's not the point A-"

"Then it doesn't matter" I told him, cupping his cheeks with my hands and I let my eyes devour him. My god he was so beautiful, and you really aren't meant to call boys beautiful, they prefer handsome or something more manly, but my god he was so beautiful. He finally pushed himself off me, and lay down beside me, his lips close to mine, but not touching. His chest rising and falling, rising and falling, rising and falling.

"Why do we keep doing this?" he asked, his voice laced with a little sadness. He grabbed a strand of my hair that had fallen in front of my face, twirled it around his finger before he tucked it behind my ear.

I shrugged my shoulders, letting my face burrow into his chest. "We need to move on." I whispered and I'd practiced saying it so many times, everyday in front of the mirror actually, but now that I was confronted with the situation I couldn't do it.

"You deserve better," he tilted my chin up gently with his finger, kissing the top of my head. "You really do deserve someone better than me A."

I could already feel the lump growing in my throat, and tears started to blur my vision but I had to refrain. "Can we talk about this in the morning?" I asked, sniffling quietly.

I heard him sigh, "Goodnight." and he pulled me closer to him.

"Goodnight" I shut my eyes, shuffling into him. "I still love you." I mumbled.


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