My Works

The Screaming Princess [3] Opening up

3.

Opening up.

Keeping my secret a secret was increasing hard and painful. I kept to myself for the rest of the day, after I had explained myself to Osborn about the orange juice incident. I read out side below the open window of the kitchen where I heard Uncle Osborn busy working on dinner for tonight. You'd think that Queen was coming from dinner at all the effort he put into the food. The damp earths slowly wetting my bum, I wonder how long it will take for it to reach my skin.

Oh crap!

Thinking about all that other stuff just now, I completely didn't take in a single thing of the page I just read. Damn. Now I'll have to read it over again.

Oh well, screw reading. I think I can stand a day without it any. It's stupid something I can't believe I have wasted all my time doing for the past five years. I dropped the book on the ground and stuffed mum's book marked into the back pocket of my jeans. I turned around and kneeled up peering over the window sill into the kitchen. Uncle Osborn was leaning over the table with his back turned to me kneading something that looked like a pastry.

"I was wondering how it would take to show yourself" he said peering over his shoulders, he face spattered with flour.

I was frozen. He knew I was there the whole time, listening to him work and whistle old tunes that I have never herd of. "You knew I was there?" my mouth said but my brain was still paused to a couple of minutes ago.

"Why yes you silly girl." he turned and waved his arms in the air "Well... aren't you coming in"

I shook my head instantly "No, no I'm fine out here thanks" this proximity was fine for me any closer and I would start hyperventilating.

I felt like I had to tell someone about mum, but I'd fell like she would have almost wanted it this way. The secret was burning up inside of me and I knew that I will slip up sooner of later.

"Actually, I think I might go and have a shower" I needed to clear my head and a shower was exactly what I needed.

The warm water of the shower flowing over my skin felt right to me and I felt closer to home then ever.

I felt a pull at my heart with the word home coming to my mind and I was reminded of mom and the ordeal I now face. Carelessly I opened myself up releasing my feelings I was hit hard by a wall of emotion so hard it felt like I had been hit by a truck.

I cried freely with no fear of being seen as the 'weak' one. Releasing seventeen years of suppressed feelings felt good but it also hurt. Taking me back to dark moments in my life, right up to two days ago when I read the note from mom and most recently finding out about her death. I had to move on.

Feeling the loss of my mother was something that no one could every describe. It shouldn't be felt by anyone, but people feel it everyday. It feels like a hole has been punched through my chest. My breathing grew worse with the pain, straining in each labored breath. I wish Beau will never feel like this, even now, enduring it, it's hard to describe the feeling.

You will feel like life has purpose or meaning, if you are only going to be born then die! Everybody has to die sometime. But the loss of a mother is the worse thing of all. A girl needs her mother for love and support. I don't now what I will do without her, we shared a connection unlike anything else, and within a spilt second it has been taken away from me. How can I go on? Life has no meaning. Life is useless.

Love is usless.