xii

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i was glad that soo kyung was here today. apparently, she had a high fever yesterday and wasn't able to attend school. i didn't know why but, when i recall the memories of last afternoon, i could feel myself blushing like a tomato.

"jae hee, why on earth are you blushing? are you thinking about park jimin again?" soo kyung snapped me out of my trance. i shook my head violently and pretended to fan myself, trying to tell her that i actually felt really warm.

i think she bought the lie, as she looked back at her geography textbook and flipped through it. i heaved a deep breath as i tried to compose myself, forcing my mind not to think about yesterday's events again.

if i were to be honest, i could still feel the warmth of his hand spreading over mine. and honestly, i really liked how warm namjoon's hands were because my hands were always cold. his hand was like the fire during the winter, heating up my icy cold hand.

maybe i was obsessed, but i counted that he held my hand exactly two times. and twice was enough for me. this was the first time someone ever held my hand since my hands were big and my hands tend to perspire a lot if someone holds it too long.

clearing my thoughts, i stared at the geography textbook in front of me as i listened to the boring teacher's voice. even though i hated geography, yet i enjoyed moment because this was the only time i could spend quality time with soo kyung other than during recess.

"psst, jae hee!" soo kyung poked my arm. i turned to her and was about to ask her why she called me but instead, she gave me a piece of paper and mouthed, 'read it'.

curious, i placed the paper underneath the table so that our teacher won't see it. i looked down and scanned the paper's content.

' wanting to lose weight but you can't? you have found the right flyer! we have ways to slim you down.

 if you want to be more beautiful,
beauty/facial surgery – $900.

if you want to lose weight and be pretty,
stomach removal surgery – $500.

if you want to be taller and you can't grow,
height increase surgery – $700.

don't worry, all of these surgeries are 100% safe. the surgeries are performed by well-known doctors around the world and they are experts in surgeries.

venue : xxxxx street
telephone number : 6969696969
email adress : weightloss@hotmail.cum.sg

we hope to help you slim down. '

i stared at the flyer in awe as i tried to process all the informations in my brain. weight loss, stomach removal, surgery. and stomach removal was the cheapest out of all three surgeries.

xxxxx street was just twenty minutes walk away from my house. i've heard rumors about it, and all of it were good rumors. there was nothing negative about this surgery.

"teacher! can i go to the toilet to poop?" soo kyung raised up her hand as she questioned mrs yoon. the whole class laughed at her choice of words and of course that includes me. soo kyung really knew how to crack and cheer people up. and that was one of the quality that i really admired about her.

mrs yoon glared at her and just nodded her. soo kyung dashed out of the classroom like a lightning bolt, while i stared at the whiteboard, still thinking about the stomach removal surgery.

•••

geography class has ended and soo kyung hasn't came back from the toilet. it was strange, because usually she takes ten minutes to pass motion. twenty minutes has already passed and she was still in the toilet.

being the worried friend i am, i made my way towards the toilet and i thought of the possibilities of why she was taking so long in the toilet. maybe she had constipation?

i was really near to the entrance of the toilet when i saw the familiar figure of soo kyung. happiness and relief washed over me and i was about to enter when i heard her speaking.

"she's such a bitch, you know? like she is so freaking clingy. doesn't she know that i'm using her? she's so oblivious. she's so fat. she's not even pretty. i just pitied her and be friends with her because she was so fat and ugly. and standing beside her makes me feel pretty and tall at the same time. it definitely boosted my self-esteem. that fatty jae hee. urgh, she's so fake and fat that if i were to jump on her, she would probably still be alive because i'm as light as a feather."

i stopped dead in my tracks as i felt an arrow shooting through my heart. i felt like all of my organs were bleeding badly. i felt like the world was suddenly against me, and i felt stupid.

because in fact, who would actually really be friends with me? no one would. despite knowing the soo kyung was probably using me, but i was stupid. i still had high hopes that we would be really good friends and she would help me in my weight loss process.

but no, all of these were lies. they were just acts. nothing of these were real. our friendship wasn't real. i wasn't even worthy to her. i'm not even worth to be in her life.

who was i kidding? i'm just fat, ugly, stupid, short. all about me were negative. nothing about me is good. i'm just a burden to others. i'm just worthless to others.

without me knowing, my legs picked up speed and i ran. i just ran, i didn't care where i was going. until i've reached my limit, i stopped in a corner. a corner where no one was dark.

i hated being fat. i hated how i'm fat. i just hate everything about myself. why was i born this way?

sliding down the wall, i took out the piece of paper from my pocket and unfolded it, and took out my phone too.

dialing the number as i looked at the piece of paper, i pressed my phone against my ears as the other side of the phone was connected.

with shaky breath and trembling lips, i started to talk.

"hello?"

-

yes my exams are over omg

okay so holy shit i realized that i've been writing this story for like 1-2 months and i'm still at chapter 12 wtf

and to think that i actually wrote my first story, wi-fi password, in like 2 days and has like 15 chapters

the difference omf i'm sO

oh and like namjoon is not in this chapter bc it's like a filler?¿

anyways; i hope all of you are having a great day today. keep smiling and ilysm.

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