Joan Jett and The Runaways. (Tammy's Point of View)

Chapter 23: OH MY GOD. TAMMY!!!

"We'll start our own label." Joan said very calmy with no expression on her face. Her face was a mess. Makeup all over. And her eyes were red from all the tears. My eyes grew wide and my mouth opened. I stroked my hair back and stood up. "What?" I said. "We will start our own label, Tammy." Joan said enthusiasticly. But still no expression on her face.

"Wow, uhh.. Okay." I responded. I am shocked. I am shocked because I don't even know the first thing about owning a record label. "Is something wrong, Tammy?" Lee asked me. I blinked my eyes. I was frozen. I couldn't move at all. "Tammy!" Joan called out to me. "Are you okay, man?" In my head I could hear a voice screaming NO! But like I just said. It was only in my head. Gary stood up and walked up to me. He started waving his arms infront of me, so he could get my attention.

I turned my head to face Gary. He smiled. But then I pushed him away from me. I walked to the fridge and got myself a bottle of beer. "Tammy, what's going on!?" Joan called out to me again. I couldn't breath. My chest was hurting, I couldn't move and my stomache felt weird. I heard people talking about that lately. They talk about something new called Anxiety attacks. And that the symptoms are exactly what I am feeling right now. So, I guess I am now having what is now called an Anxiety attack! Oh great!

"Startting a record label?" I started. "Can we even affford it? Do we have the right equipment? Will this work? Can we do this? I mean like this is-" Kenny cut me off. "Woah, woah, Tammy. Calm down." Kenny got up and gave me a glass of water. He told me to drink it. I put the glass up to my mouth and I slowly started drinking the water. After that, I decided to go outside for a while, in the night time..

I ended up sitting on a park bench. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I exhaled. I grabed the pack of cigarettes and a lighter, from my pocket. I put a cigarette in my mouth and lit it up. A few minutes have passed by. I saw Gary walking up to me with a beer in his hand. "Fuck!" I quietly said to myself. Gary sat down beside me and said "Beer?" I looked at him and rolled my eyes. "Sure." He handed me his beer. I took a sip while Gary took a puff of my cigarette.

"Look man" He said. "I don't like you that way. I mean I like you. But not like I'm inlove with you. You're my friend and I care about my friends. "Yeah." I said back while I nodded. But for some reason I felt sad after Gary told me that. I really don't understand why. Then we did some coke. But then all this saddness built up inside me. I started crying so much that I became i mess.

I felt Gary put his hand on my back and turned me around to face him. "Dude, you alright?" He asked me. "No!" I said. Gary gave me a hug. "What's up?" He asked. "You were right today" I said to Gary. "My parents didn't care about my brother and I. They kicked us out. We moved in with our aunt Maggie who was never home. And Jack (My Brother) was such an asshole back then. Joan was the only friend I had. After she left, I had no one.

I was so jelous of Joan because she was with such amazing people, performing everyday and she was doing well. At one point I thought that she didn't care about me anymore.That she was much happier with The Runaways. Which I'm sure she was. And then we didn't talk for two years. I was living on the streets and everyone at school, bullied me every day!" I started crying on Gary's shoulder. It felt weird 'cause I never did such a thing before. But Gary felt strong and cuddly. Wait.. Did I just say that?

But yes. His body feels good againts mine. What the hell is going on? Gary rubed his hands on my back. It felt good. Then he started stroking my long and messy brown hair. That also felt nice. Oh my god, Tammy. What the hell are you talking about? Then Gary lifted my head up and stroked my face. There were goosebumps all over my arms. Gary leaned in closer and pulled me in closer. He closed his eyes. Then I closed mine. The next thing I knew, I felt Gary's lips on mine. OH MY GOD. HE'S KISSING ME!!! I feel sparks! SPARKS, SPARKS, SPARKS. HOLY FUCK, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!!?? 

Gary pulled back. He looked so scared. I felt scared infact. "Gary?" I said to him. Gary blinked. "It's getting late. I gotta go!" Gary ran away. I sat there on the bench, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. I started crying again. This feeling that was inside of me. I was so sad. I've never been this sad before. I couldn't move. I just wanted to sleep. Sleep. Sleep. I felt so god damn sad. I thought that I would feel better if I did some more coke, smoke another cigarette and have some beer. I completely blacked out after that.

All I could remember was walking back into the apartment, crying and me.. Myself.. Falling onto the floor. Everything went white. I couldn't see, I coulnd't move. I felt Ricky, Eric, Lee and Kenny around me while I heard Joan screaming "OH MY GOD TAMMY!!!!"

Then I passed out!