Crouching by the wall and casually retying my shoe laces I take a quick look around me, checking that no-one can see me. I take the bit of chalk that's in my right hand and quickly draw a cross on the section of wall next to me, then pocketing it I stand up and quickly move away.
A few hours later I'm sitting on a bench in the park waiting nervously and fiddling with the newspaper I have in my hands. I watch people walking their dogs and going about their business wondering if he will turn up or if I'll have to repeat this again tomorrow and then the day after and...
"You wanted to see me?" The soft deep velvet voice caresses my ears and I fight the urge to turn and look at him. I know he's sat down at the other end of the bench but I mustn't look, no-one must know that we have met.
"Yes...I have something for you." I try to look at him out of the corner of my eye but all I can see are his long jean-clad legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. Just that small glimpse of him has my head swimming as if he's some sort of narcotic.
"And are you expecting something in return?" I can sense a slight smile in his voice and wonder how he manages to stay so cool while my heart is racing.
My nerves almost overtake me and my voice cracks slightly. "Only what we agreed."
"I'm sure I can arrange something. Are you sure this something is useful?" I want to ask him if I've ever given him anything that wasn't useful but I resist. The less we say the better.
"I'm sure." I try to sound confident and calm but inside I'm tensed like a coiled spring. If he was to touch me now I'm sure I'd explode into a million tiny pieces.
"We'll see. I'll leave a mark in the usual place." With regret I hear my cue to leave and standing, I leave the newspaper I was holding on the bench knowing he will pick it up. I walk away without looking back even though it feels like the hardest thing I've ever done.
Two days later as I'm passing the same wall I marked for him, my heart skips a beat. It's there! He's chalked a tick up on the concrete; his sign to me that he wants to see me. He knows that I check for the mark every day so that means he'll be waiting for me tonight. I resist the urge to skip down the street. My heart is singing but I know it shouldn't be like this. I risk my life to pass him valuable information, not because I feel some loyalty to his bosses; I do it simply because it's him, and he knows it. I should be scared, terrified even, of what might happen to me if I'm found out, but I'd happily sell my soul to the devil just to hear him say my name in his deep velvet voice.
He'll never know the extent of the excuses I have to devise, the lies I tell, the stories I weave. I betray those people to whom I'm closest. The secrets I've given away were not my secrets to tell and if I'm ever found out there'll be no questions asked; they will simply kill me.
All these things are painfully clear to me but later that evening when I knock on the non-descript door of the non-descript building in the non-descript part of the city, they couldn't be further from my mind.
The door opens and I step inside. I hear it close behind me and in the darkness of the hallway my coat is eased from my shoulders. A warm hand in the small of my back gently pushes me forward into the living room. The room is glowing in the warm flickering light of many candles. It was cold outside and I'm grateful for the fire burning brightly in the grate.
I feel him move behind me and rest his hands gently on my hips. He leans down and placing his lips next to my ear he whispers, "The intel was good...very good. You did well Kate." The sound of my name on his lips is heaven and I close my eyes, savouring the moment.
His mouth brushes against the soft skin under my ear and I let out an involuntary groan. "Is this suitable payment d'you think?" His question only requires one unspoken answer so I turn round, his hands snaking around my waist and pulling me flush against his body. He lifts my chin up and as I look into his steely blue eyes I feel my insides turn to liquid. He lowers his head and gently presses his lips against mine. As our lips part and our tongues meet, the familiar taste of him awakens every nerve in my body. He pulls me down to the floor on to some strategically placed cushions and as we settle in each others arms, legs entwined, he brushes the hair from my face and looking into my eyes, he smiles. "I don't offer this type of payment to all my assets you know."
I smile back at him, running a finger along his bottom lip, "So I'm special then?"
"Very," he curls his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me towards him, kissing me deeply, his tongue plundering my mouth, and I am lost. We kiss for what feels like hours, finally pulling apart breathless and flushed. I study his face; I know every line and every blemish so well I could draw them blindfolded. He is beautiful...with his large nose that sits perfectly on his face, his expressive blue eyes that turn almost navy when he stares into mine, his elfin ears and his thin but oh so kissable lips. As I gaze at him he smiles softly at me and tantalisingly slowly starts to unbutton my blouse.
Much later, as I lean my back against his bare chest, his arms wrapped around my body, still glowing from the heat of our passion and the warmth of the fire, he asks, "Why do you risk so much? If they were to find out..."
I turn and place a finger on his lips, "Sshhhhh Lucas...you know why."