Chapter 21

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[Louis]


I couldn't believe that I finally admitted my feelings to him. For about two years now, I had kept them deep within me, almost been afraid to confess them to myself, and now it was finally out there. However, I knew it probably wasn't such a good idea, but I couldn't hold it in any longer. Besides, he should already know about them after everything that had happened lately.

Why it wasn't a good idea for him to know about my feelings was the same reason why I had acted as if our kiss never happened Saturday night. It was because I knew we would never be able to be together. Not only were we two entirely different people, but our parents were also dating. If they were to find out that their sons had a relationship, they would probably make sure that we never saw each other again, or even worse, send us away to separate mental hospitals or something. It sucked, even if I was still grateful that I got to see him every day from morning to night.

I was aware that what I did to find out whether he liked me or not was a bit cruel, though. Kissing him probably wasn't the best decision I could make, but I had been waiting so long to do it, and I did not regret it. The thing was that it was basically for nothing. Nothing could ever happen between us, and that was something I had realized during our ride back home Saturday night.

Harry stared at me with his mouth wide open. "You... You actually like me?" he stuttered, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well, if it hasn't been obvious before, then yes, I do. Ever since we were friends two years ago."

"B-but, you hated me... and Eleanor! What about her? Why are you dating her if you like me?" He shook his head in frustration, probably because he couldn't put the pieces together, and looked at me in confusion.

I let out a sigh, closing my eyes for a second before opening them again. "Like I said before, it's not that easy. I... I've never wanted to admit my feelings, not even to myself. When I realized I liked you, I tried to ignore it, thinking that it must be some kind of phase or something. However, when you got together with Miranda and stopped paying attention to me, I realized that it wasn't. I hated myself for it though, and I was so mad at you for not realizing how much I enjoyed and needed your company. That was the reason I started picking on you," I muttered, looking down at my hands.

This was the most vulnerable situation I'd ever been in, and I didn't like it at all, but I knew that it needed to be said. Harry and I couldn't keep living in this bubble where things only happened without the other knowing why it did. We needed to come clean, and if showing my vulnerable side was the only thing that had to be done for us to do so, then so be it.

He took a deep breath, a frown forming between his eyebrows. "Well, it still doesn't explain the fact that you're dating Eleanor now and have been doing so basically since we fell apart."

"It doesn't even matter," I mumbled, because even if I knew it was important to have this conversation with him, I still didn't want to.

"Yes, it does! How else am I going to know if you're telling the truth about liking me? As far as I know, you could be talking bullshit right now and then when we're out of here, you'll run straight off to her!" he let out, looking at me in desperation.

"Harry, you don't understand," I sighed. "Haven't you realized that you and I can't be anything closer than step brothers? Even if I told you about Eleanor, it wouldn't change a thing. I'm still going to date her. You're my first choice every day, but imagine what our parents would say if they caught us? They would flip shit and probably kick us out of the house. I'm sorry, but I can't risk that."

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