Just before you start reading the words in italics are a flashback so if you get confused, that's what they are.
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Two weeks earlier.
Connor POV:
I placed my small fern plant onto my desk and I sighed a large sigh. Finally I had finished unpacking and had officially moved in.
"Cute plant."
I spun around to see who spoke and I collided straight into Troye which sent him flying right onto the hard ground.
"Shit! I'm so, so sorryyyy Troyeee!" I put out a hand to help him up, he clasped my hand and pulled himself up in a matter of seconds.
Troye shook his head, "Nah don't be sorry Con Bon, that was my fault for intruding." He smiled, his perfect smile and his sparkling blue eyes looked right into mine.
I swear I could have melted in that moment but I did not even move. Anyway he didn't like me in that way. He couldn't. Could he? He probably doesn't even know I'm gay, I only came out a week ago.
"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you." Troye looked down at his feet and tottered back and forth on his toes. He looked back up at me and his face had turned a light shade of pink, especially his cheeks. "I just wanted to say that I'm so proud of you for coming out on YouTube to all of your fans, your family and friends the other day. Umm, well you inspired me to make a coming out video too, I'm uploading it tomorrow."
Well then. I guess he does know.
"Troye that's amazing! I can't believe I inspired you like that!"
Then out of no where, he hugged me. It startled me at first but then I hugged him back. To be honest he smelt pretty good. In that moment I felt like a fangirl who just met their idol.
.
.
.
Troye POV:
I can't believe it, I actually hugged Connor Franta, the Connor Franta!
I liked him ever since I first met him and ever since I found out he's gay it made me like him even more. I don't know what it is about him.
"Um, do you want to be there with me when I upload it, I'm actually kind of scared. What if people won't like me anymore."
"Troye," Connor looked me in the eyes, "Of course I'll be there for you no matter what."
I swear he was trying to kill me with those green eyes.
I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding in, "Thank you so much Con."
I walked into my room and jumped onto my bed placing my mac on my lap and logged in. I need to make sure my coming out video is perfect. I re-watch it.
"Hey what's up you guys it's Troye Sivan and... this is probably the most nervous I've ever been in my entire life."
I sound like an idiot. It is probably fine, I'm just overreacting. I mean most of the coming out videos I have watched in the last week have had so many positive comments. I decide to just leave it and try to write some song lyrics to take my mind of it.
I was just tryna be cool, I was just... Hmm. I was just tryna be like you. Yeah, I like that, that works! I quietly sing the lyrics to myself.
I was just trying to be cool
I was just trying to be like you
I'm a spark and you're a boom
What am I supposed to do?
When I've got that cigarette smoke
And Saint Laurent coat, but nothing is feeling right
I drink but I choke
I love but I don't
I heard Connor's door shut, I wonder what he is doing right now? I look at my clock on the bedside table. Shoot, its almost 8, I better make dinner. I shut down my laptop and walk down stairs to the kitchen. I decide on a simple dish of pasta. Farfalle pasta to be exact.
"Hey Connor!" I shouted from across the house. "Come get dinner, it's gonna get cold!"
"One minute!" He shouts back.
Five minutes later he still isn't here. Why won't he come down already?
Connor POV:
"One minute!" I shout back at Troye.
I have been sitting on my bed for more than half an hour, my thoughts were suffocating me. I want to forget everything.
.
.
.
"Do you want to listen to some music?"
"Sure, Connor!"
The music filled the entire car with sound. You could barely hear anything.
"Connor are you sure we are going the right way?"
"What?"
"Are you sure we are going the right way!?"
"Of course we are."
"Connor the car!"
"What do you mean the car?"
There was a frightening sound. Then pain. My ears were ringing. The pain made everything feel numb. I can't move.
.
.
.
The room feels like it is spinning, I feel dizzy. It's like I fell and can't get up. I feel numb, words are floating through my head.
'You are so stupid'
'You are a just a mess Connor'
'Why don't you kill yourself'
I just can't stand it.
I sneak into my bathroom that is connected to my room. Gosh Troye is rich. I look around to make sure no one is here and slowly open the medicine cabinet. I rummage through the contents and finally find what I am looking for. I held the small sliver object in my palm and looked at it for a while, hoping I would stop. But I didn't.
I rolled up the sleeve of my shirt, took the razor and cut horizontally on my left wrist a few times, blood dripped into the white marble sink. I felt a burning sensation.
All I wanted was to feel something. I needed to forget.
The numbness slowly went away as I washed the red liquid from the sides of the bathroom sink. I quickly threw on a sweater, hoping to cover my cuts and jogged downstairs to where Troye had been calling for me.
At first I felt a little dizzy walking out of my room but I got the hang of it. Thank god for the person who designed stairs with rails. I hope Troye won't get suspicious of why I took so long.
