"Talk", Jacob straight up said. I just stared at him unable to function or cry. I was so emotionally drained and if only he knew what it drove me to. But I hide the proof of my hurt under my sleeves. The arguments I have with myself are scariest because my bully knows me and lives my life. I am my biggest bully and can't fight no longer. Jacob has been that one person who I'm secretly best friends with. I have told him almost everything, but he can sense that I'm hiding something. I lifted my hands to my head, but regretted it when he saw it. I looked away in embarrassment as he softly held one of my hands and lifted up my sleeve. I feel so ashamed because I did what I promised myself I wouldn't do. Instead of yelling at me he let out a deep sad sigh. I looked up at him and he stared into my eyes before saying," I won't tell Cameron but you have to tell me why because I can't live knowing your hurting. I will be your cure if that's the last thing I do". I'm so used to opening up to him that I didn't even argue. Instead of explaining it to him, I passed him my journal which I was holding when Cameron walked in. Jacob started to read it out loud with so much focus in his eyes that I started to consider maybe giving him a chance at something bigger than a friendship.
He pulled his chair closer so that he was right in front of me before saying,
"Your skin isn't paper so don't cut it
Our relationship isn't a book so why do you judge it
Your life isn't a film so why are you trying to end it
Trying the door but the key won't budge it
So you switched to the new plan and tried to blunt it
But I'm your only drug and you hate it
Because we both know you can't escape it". I knew he was referring to me running away whenever he was gonna build his way up to asking me out at the last part. I realized he was singing lyrics from his new song he was writing. He pulled me in for a tight hug and we sat in embrace for a couple seconds. My eyes were shut but chills wents down my spine and my eyes flew open as I felt him place a gentle kiss on my lips before whispering,"Talk to Cameron because he needs you more than you need him", and walked out. After sitting there for a couple minutes, I decided against myself to got back and talk to him. When I walked in my room I saw him sitting in the same exact place I left him, except now he was crying. His head lifted up when I walked towards his broken state and he quickly wiped his tears and about to say something, but I spoke before him. "I forgive you", I said quietly which made him start crying again. The effect I had on him right now showed that he truly did care and I started to notice how much I missed him. I quickly ran up to him and hugged him for a long time with tears quietly streaming down my cheeks. "I got you something when I went to Daniel's first performance a week before adopting you, but never really got the chance to give it to you", he said when we pulled apart. Before I could question him he demanded," Close your eyes and stick out your hand". I did what he said and he started to pull up my sleeve, but I quickly flinched back. "Cara what was that? D-did you-", he started but I didn't let him finish. "It only happened once but won't happen again, I promise", he looked away which made me feel so worthless but then he spoke again. "When you feel like doing that again, talk to me because I sure as hell won't let you go through that by yourself. When you feel like you'll break and that's the only answer, then imagine your arms are me and you're damaging me because I feel pain when I see you feeling pain", he said facing me again. I never truly noticed until now that I'm surrounded by loving people who care about me, but it doesn't change that much for me because I'm too damaged now. He lifted my sleeve again and put a brown bracelet around my wrist. There was something with engraving on it and I looked at it. I noticed it was the same as Cameron's bracelet that said, 'God has a plan', and I can't believe he remembered me when he was getting one. After Jacob and Cameron's dramatic song about how much they need me at Magcon, I finally agreed because they were annoying and my bags were still packed. I think I led myself into a trap but only noticed when it was too late. There's no going back this time if anything goes wrong because Nash is at digi tour, Andrea is going on a fundraising trip, Kian and Jc are at Vidcon, and I'd be stuck with Matt, Hayes, and Tez who scares me a little bit. I hope that everything goes well because I'm far past my breaking point and will internally suffer from emotional distress. Here I come Philly !!1!2!1!1!!1!2!