fuck it

what the ever-loving fuck is this

I don't know either

Patrick, being the precious ray of sunshine that Patrick was, built the most punk-rock basement that this very depleted world had ever seen for Frank and Gerard. In this basement, there were two guitars: the Guitar Of Epic Intros and the Guitar Of  Breaking-up-after-12-years-fuck-you-1-fucking-paragraph-haha-I'm-fine-(I'm not okay). The Guitar Of Epic Intros could be played to summon all emos and would make the user immortal, the latter would build up people's hopes and dreams for 12 FUCKING YEARS FUCK YOU GERARD, and then crush them. Crush them, and then drive over them in the killjoy car. This guitar was never to be played, under any circumstances.
Frank and Gerard were happy, laughing and joking in the basement, when a serpent appeared.

The serpent tried to convince Frank to play the Guitar That Should Not Be Named and IT EVIDENTLY FUCKING WORKED YOU ASSHOLES. Anyway, Frank played the guitar and emos appeared in their thousands. Some screamed 'marry me!' Whilst some screamed 'marry each other!'. The emos and Frank were getting along great. They continued to get along great for the next 12 years. But then Gerard posted a one-paragraph post on his website (yes he had a website in like 3000 BC get over it) saying:

which FUCKING KILLED EVERY SIBGLE PERSON. Thanks Pete *chokes back sob*.

Ray came down to see all the emos crying and screaming in agony. He was shocked, and saw Frank covered in dogs and Gerard in a snazzy suit.

There was only one explanation for this. Frank had played the Guitar Of Fucking Kill Me!
And Ray said unto Frank 'Da fuck you think you're doing mate?!'
And Frank replied to God 'leaving them kicking and screaming so they will thank is in the end' (if you get the reference, cool points to you).
And Patrick was like 'I know more about music'
Joe Throhman appeared from absolutely fucking nowhere, 'that's impossible... Wanna start a band?'
So Patrick and Joe skipped off into the sunset to form a band called Fall Out Boy. Fall Out Boy pledged to Save Rock And Roll, which didn't fucking work because (another emo band) Panic! At The Disco was now just a single forehead- I mean member, and My Chemical Romance BROKE THE FUCK UP. Not how you do it, Patrick.
'You absolute fucking twat. You had one job. One job.' Ray sighed. 'I guess this means shit's gonna go down.'
Frank and Gerard were in no way emotionally ready for this. But it happened anyway, rather like the incidents of a certain March 22nd 2013 at 7:22pm.
'Frank, you will be vertically challenged forever! And all of your landlords will not allow dogs on the premises! And you will never come out of the closet!!'
Frank screamed and begged for forgiveness, to no avail.
'Now for you, Gerard.' Gerard whimpered a little at the sheer fro power in front of him. 'You shall be plagued for years by the beast, BERT McCOCKBLOCK- I mean, McCRAKEN! After two years, you shall be rid of this curse. But you shall marry the most beautiful woman on this planet

'And have a beautiful daughter, but that daughter shall never have an emo phase!'
Gerard screamed in emo pain when he heard the words of the LORD. But there was nothing he could do (about planet earth being blue. [again, if that reference was understood, cool points to you]). Ray then turned to the serpent, and said 'as for you, Sweet Little Dude, you shall never be properly with the one you love. You shall be condoned to writing angsty emo poems about him, forever!'

✨thus concludes part two of the bible✨