For Chantal:Break Up Sex

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Break-up Sex

I starred into Justin's dark hazel eyes looking for any emotion I could find. His eyes prevailing and his face dropping into a frown. This was his normal status and I watched him come home everyday with a look of despondency across his face. I watched him slowly become less exultant; I watched his smile fade into a frown and his eyes lose the tiny sparkle they had before. He hadn't laughed in months and when he did, it was on an interview or at a concert so his fans would see the good in him.

The reality of what was happening began to hit me more than ever. Her song would play on the radio; sometimes he would change it without hesitation and sometimes he would let it play softly in the background, glance out the window and stare into the nothingness before him. It was fair to say that Selena had changed him; I was simply a rebound.

The only problem was I loved him. She played with his heart and as much as I desired to make him happy, I was enabled to do that when his love was lost somewhere else. I sat at the table watching his sluggishly move across this kitchen and open the fridge.

He hadn't said hi or even glanced at me since he got home and I knew he was having a bad day. Some days he seemed like he loved me and others seemed like I was just another staff member working in the house.

He pulled out a beer from the fridge, placed it on the counter, and snapped it open. I stood up from the table, my heart filling with empathy as I watched him drink away his pains; he was always drinking. I reached out my arm, pulling on the beer.

"It's late Justin. We should go to bed", I whispered knowing he wasn't fully there. He looked up; his face pointing at me but his eyes drifting off and staring into space.

"I'm not tired"


Justin's eyes darkened and his lowered his voice, this time looking right into my eyes, "Chantal I want a fucking drink. If you are so damn tired then go to sleep!"

I released my grip on the bottle and stepped away, "I know you were with her today. You went to see her didn't you? There are pictures everywhere."

"I didn't even do anything. She didn't even want to fucking talk to me, so don't turn into a jealous bitch Chantal."

The tears welled in my eyes; he had said it. The unbarring truth. I couldn't bring myself to the simple denial I had been hiding in for months; he was never going to love me when she was around.

"I can't do this anymore Justin", my voice cracked, "you love her and I will never mean anything to you. You need to move on from her, you don't have to stop caring for her but you are stuck in this hole of darkness. You haven't kissed me in weeks; like an actual kiss, where I can feel the tension between us. There was never anything there, you just needed someone to be there when you were sad and I just can be that girl anymore."

By this time the tears were pouring down my face in an uncontrollable manner. He slammed the beer bottle down on the table in front of him, "You know what Chantal, nobody is ever going to love you. You are always going to just be another girl in every guy's life. You aren't special and I think it's silly that you ever thought you meant something to me."

My chest filled with ache at the harsh words coming from his mouth. He continued his voice echoing in my ears but not comprehending after the simple words; I never meant anything.

My body crumbled to the floor and I sat down staring at the man before me; I didn't recognize him. He bent down still screaming in my face, the smell of alcohol and weed filling my nostrils'.

"Are you going to answer me?!" he screamed his face red in frustration.

My body was shaking beneath me in trepidation and I held my breath waiting for what would happen next. He reached up and before I knew it a sharp, stinging sensation stretched across my face, instantly sending tears of pain down my checks.

He hit me.

* * *

An hour passed by and I hadn't moved from the cold tiles beneath me. I heard a soft rustling behind me making my body tremble again.

"I'm not going to hurt you", this time his voice was soft and concerned, he reached out a hand and touched my shoulder softly. I began shaking uncontrollably under his touch and wrapped my arms around my body.

"I am sober now; I'm not going to hurt you. Just please listen to me. I don't expect you to forgive me. I have been thinking about what you said; I have been so stuck in this thought of loving one person my whole life. I thought she was the one, we had so many plans and she made me happy. You are so much kinder to me. Selena loved all the good in me, we didn't work out because she never accepted the parts that weren't perfect. You love the bad in me, you love me when I'm depressed or angry or whatever I'm feeling. I just never let you inside my world, maybe its because in stuck in this thought that all love leads to his heart break, even with my parents, it was never a happy time. I love you Chantal. I want us to start over, I want to be happy and you are the only person who can make me happy because you wont give up on me when I feel like I'm lost." Justin paused picking me up bridal style, "I'm so sorry"

Deep down I knew I was making a mistake trusting him, but maybe he was right. Maybe we do need to accept the bad in people and love every part of them. He placed me down on the soft bed and slowly climbed on top of me, kissing my forehead, then my nose.

"I love you so much, let me show you", Justin whispered pulling my hair away from my face.

He reached down slowly pulling down my shorts and throwing them off the bed. I looked down at him realizing how long it was since he made love to me. Sure, we had sex all the time but it was mostly for him. I was always asleep when he got home and he would wake me up begging for a release. Most of the time he wouldn't even look me in the eyes, he didn't even wait for me, as soon as he was happy he went to sleep; that was the way it had been for so long.

Justin slowly kissed up my thigh before reaching my lace underwear. He pulled it to the side and moved his face closer to me, his breath hitting my warm insides.

"Justin" I moaned breathlessly as his warm tongue glided along my center, arching my back and throwing my head back into the pillow, grabbing handfuls of the sheet. He flicked his tongue back and forth over my clit, sucking on it every now and again, sending waves of ecstasy to the very tips of my fingers and toes. He looked up at me from beneath my thighs, smirking as he took one last lick.

He began kissing up my torso, slowly stretching the shirt over my head and throwing it off the side of the bed. He sat upright, grabbed the back of his shirt and slowly slipping it off. Then he worked his pants until they joined the rest of our clothes in a pile on the floor.

Justin leaned down hovering over me; his hand met my crotch, rubbing his palm over my lace undies as his mouth explored my breasts and neck. His fingers fumbled beneath the thin crotch of my underwear as he rolled them over my clit before sliding one in. I moved my hips back and forth against his finger as he worked skillfully around my insides.

He pulled down his boxers with his other hand, not breaking eye contact. He slowly removed his fingers from inside me and gave me a deep passionate kiss.

I reached my hand down, grazing my fingers across his length and positioning it at my entrance. He slowly pushed himself inside of me, only letting half of his long cock enter me.

"Justin-" I began, pulling my hands around his head and playing with his soft brown locks.

I brought my thighs up either side of his waist, brushing my hands up and down his strained biceps as he began pushing himself inside of me once again. This time rotating his hips in a circle, grinding his tip against my g-spot. My breathing became uneven and I dug my nails into his back.

"I'm close", I whispered breathlessly into his ear. Justin smiled in response; leaning down and giving me a soft kiss, letting his lips float across mine. I moaned into his mouth, grinding into him deeper.

"I love you baby" Justin leaned down and whispered into my ear causing me to go over the edge. He rode me until my orgasm came to an unsolicited end, while whispering endearing things into my ear.

He pulled out and rested on the space next to me. I sat there for a while contemplating the past events. Something told me this was the end for us. I believed him, he did care for me and he desperately wanted to love me but he can't. I know he can't because he still loves Selena.

"Justin, I-" I rolled over resting myself on my elbow and looking at his sweaty, exhausted body lying in front of me.

"I know. You're leaving", Justin sighed not removing his eyes from the spot on the ceiling.

"Not for good baby", I sighed snuggling up to his chest, "I'm going to leave for a little while so you can settle things out. I know that you can still be happy but you have to learn to accept the loss in your life. I believe in you and I know you can get through this. But I think you need to do this by yourself."

"How come you are always right?" Justin sighed running his fingers through my tangled hair.

"I love you Justin", I whispered giving him a quick kiss, making my way off the bed and beginning to get dressed.

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