Chapter 3 - Neme

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Warm blankets feel heavy against my skin and the early morning sun is peeking through the window. I stretch my arms out above my head and sigh. I feel incredibly refreshed for some reason. The east wing morning alarm goes off. It's seven in the morning. I never wake up on my own. Weird. There's a plastic cup of water on my bedside table. I don't remember getting a glass of water before I went to bed. Strange. My mouth is really dry so I spin around and sit up. I grab the glass and start to drink. The tepid liquid rolls down my throat and suddenly images of Aaron flash through my mind. I drop the glass and it hits the white linoleum floor. Images are plundering my mind one by one in a fast and furious speed. I remember. A dream, I dreamed about Aaron last night.

"I need you to believe."

His voice rings in my ears and I shut my eyes. It's okay. You've been obsessing over everything lately, Neme. It's affecting your thoughts, that's all, nothing more.

I let out a calming breath and open my eyes. Blood...there's blood all over the floor where I dropped the cup. There's no water; just blood. The drastic contrast between the white of the floor and the crimson of the blood is undeniable. It's definitely blood. My thoughts from my dream mire with the shock of what I'm seeing and nothing makes sense. The sight of all the blood sends horror throughout my body and an uncontrollable scream ripples up my throat and escapes my lips. The last time I saw this much blood it was mine and Aaron's the day he was murdered. I sink to the floor. My legs have suddenly turned into rubber and fail me. The blood starts to travel in the small crevices of the flooring and as it moves closer to me I start to push myself backwards until my back meets the wall. I don't know what's happening or why. I can't decipher dreams from reality anymore. My mind is deceiving me at every turn. The room door bursts open and there's a nurse I've never seen before standing there with a frightened expression on her face. Her eyes go directly to the floor where the cup is and then back to me. The blood is gone. It's just water now. Bravery finds its way to my vocal cords somehow. "I don't know what's happening." I hug myself and pull my legs up to my chest in a protective manner.

"I'll get this cleaned up and call Dr. Grandi. You just get back in bed and rest some, okay?"

I nod standing up and tip toe around the water. My hands and body are trembling. The color red flashes behind my lids when I blink. What's happening to me? I know what I saw. There was blood. The red liquid was all over the floor moments ago. I know it.

"I need you to believe." His words are on repeat in my head. I can't make it stop.

Whispers of Aaron's voice settles in my mind. It feels like a low hanging fog all around me like on a dark early morning road. It was a dream. It had to be. He wasn't really here, touching, holding and talking to me. I couldn't allow myself to do as he asked. I couldn't believe. Was I betraying him? Frustration and sadness weigh heavily upon my shoulders. I try to shake it all out of my mind and focus. I'll never get out of here if they keep thinking I'm unstable. And I have to get out of here.

I turn the shower on and undress. I have to go see Dr. Grandi in an hour. I step into the shower and the warm water cascades over me. Closing my eyes all I can do is think about everything that's happened since Easter. The life I knew then and the life I know now are so far apart from comprehendible that I can't fully wrap my mind around it. Images of what happened that day replay in my mind over and over. Cain's hands on me, Cain's fist hitting Aaron, Cain's foot kicking me and Aaron's head hitting the corner of the granite counter top before he fell to the floor unmoving. Every detail is etched in my mind and I can't forget it, move on from it or stop obsessing over avenging my husband's death. I'm overcome with anger and bitterness. It's like a poison pumping through my veins infecting each and every decision I make. It fills the cracks in my resolve and sooner rather than later it's going to consume every single inch of my being and I'll never be able to look back again on who I once was.

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