Chapter 4: Nerves or Something Cuter? Maybe Neither

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             When we left the lodge, Tasha declared that she was staying for the remainder of the year. Dimitri and I were already having trouble sneaking around so much, but now, Tasha's pressuring was about to add to all the stress I was going through. One less pressure was I got my period a month after I missed it. After a routine physical, I got called into the clinic to hear news I never expected.

"You were pregnant." Dr. Olendzki said somberly. I froze: were?


"Apparently, you miscarried. Have you had any particularly rough kicks or hits to the abdomen or stomach? Something about the father, maybe?" She asked. The Spokane incident flashed through my head. The male strigoi punched me in the stomach.

"Yeah." I said, realizing I got my child killed.


"The guy strigoi I killed. He hit me and the father is dhampir."

"Dhampir?" I nodded and felt tears dripping on my cheeks. Before she could object, I left. I ran to Dimitri's room. I banged on the door loudly before he finally opened it.

"Roza, what's wrong?" He asked.

"I was...I was pregnant." I cried as he pulled me into his arms and room.

"Was?" He asked confusedly. I nodded into his chest.

"You lost it." He realized, voice pained.

"I'm so sorry." He pulled back and touched my cheek.

"It isn't your fault. It's fine. Don't be sorry." His voice was thick. It felt like my throat had closed. My lungs burned with every breath I took.

"It's my fault." I cried into his chest.

"No, it isn't." He tried to assure, moving us to the bed.

"Yes it is. The strigoi hit me. I followed and saved them and killed our baby in the process." He held me tightly, tears shining in his chocolate eyes.

"You did what you had to do. It's okay." He promised.

"Dimitri, I got our baby killed. Why don't you hate me? I god d*** hate me and you should hate me because I got our baby killed." I wasn't thinking.

"I could never hate you, Roza. Calm down." He whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breathe. My breaths were more like shaky hiccups.

"It's okay...Shhh." He whispered. He laid me down so that we were curled up to each other. I closed my eyes, praying that sleep would take me and the pain and hate would dissolve along with reality.

Dimitri's POV

                    Rose fell asleep in my arms, soft hiccups becoming ragged breaths which soon became steady and deep. My heart ached. Not only because my woman was hurting but also because we'd lost a baby we didn't know existed. Tears stained Rose's face in shiny streaks. I sighed and disentangled myself from Rose. I walked to the bathroom and showered . When I came out, Rose wasn't in bed. I sighed knowing that she probably needed to think. I sat on my bed and began to read. About an hour later, I got a text from Rose, Sorry.  Was this about the baby? What if Rose was doing something stupid? I threw some sweats and jogged to  her room. I opened the door, not getting an answer. I didn't see her but the bathroom light was on and the door was open. I walked over, a bad feeling building in the pit of my stomach. The first thing I saw was red. Blood. I could smell it before I saw it even though it covered the white tile. Then I saw Rose, laying in the pool of blood.

"Rose!" I yelled and shook her. Her eyes fluttered and met mine as I tried to stop the blood that flooded from the deep cuts on her wrist. They were up and down, slicing the artery.

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