Anger Management

2:24 PM

"Hi. Thank you for calling Target. How can I help you today?"

"... This is a different voice. Hi?"

"A different voice? We have different employees who answer the calls, so my apologies if I'm not who...you're used to? Hello, though. I am more than happy to assist you today! How can I help you?"

"I understand, but I would honestly like to talk to someone specifically if that's okay. In another call, he told me he wore glasses...and has braces? Can you transfer the call to him?"

"Uh...sure, I guess? Saying he wears glasses and braces doesn't really help too much since we have a few employees with that same description. Do you have a name for him?"

"No, I don't. All I can tell you that he's really mean, and doesn't seem like he's a happy person. Really sarcastic, but does promote the products at Target well. I guess. He's my therapist."

"Your therapist? But...this is Target... are you sure you have the right number?"

"I know, yes. And yes, this is the right number. I'm sure he's nerdish-looking so just go with your gut on this."

"... My gut. Okay. I'm guessing you're talking about C, so give me a moment. He's also one of the few workers in today, so you're lucky. Called at the right time."

"C... Okay, thank you."

"..."

"...Hmm... his name starts with a C? Maybe a Chris, or Casper maybe. Nah, there's not a lot of Casper's out there. Chris definitely."

"...Hello? Who is this asking for me?"

"Hello motherfucker! Why aren't you answering calls today?"

"I..had to help with restocking some things today. But they switched me back here because someone was asking for me? This never happened before. And since when was I a therapist?"

"When you made the mistake of talking to me. I'm just bored today and called hoping that you would answer the phone. How is restocking?"

"You can't call me just to chit-chat. I have to work, you know. Jeez, my coworker was just laughing at me saying there's this weird girl on the phone waiting to talk. Even asked if you were my damn girlfriend pulling a prank. The saddest thing is no, you're not my girlfriend, and you're genuinely serious with this therapy thing."

"What's so important? What were you just doing?"

"... I just told you. I was restocking. But if you mean what I was doing literally minutes ago... I was eating. I needed a quick break and my manager said that it was okay."

"Exactly. You do nothing. And besides, I just made your shift easier. All you have to do is wait for calls now instead of restocking. Thank me instead of being so mean."

"Nothing? Not true! I listen to this one bitch that's seriously crazy-"

"Who's this bitch?"

"You."

"... Although I saw that coming, I feel offended. I thought we were past the cursing and insulting?"

"Good. And no, we're not. Are you past the murderous thoughts about your family, crazy?"

"I'm not crazy."

"HAH! And I'm gay. See? We lie every day."

"Okay, asshole. Going back to the band-aids from yesterday, did you ever check to see if you have them?"

"Yes. We have them. You can come in to get them, or you can just order them online and have it delivered. I can place the order too for you if you'd like. What's your address?"

"You checked for me? That's so sweet -"

"You're a customer, and I work here. This is my job. How can the bare minimum be sweet?"

"Wow. You ruined the moment. A precious and sweet moment."

"Good. I have no reason to have a sweet and precious moment with a customer. But since you're not the regular caller anyway, why do you need it? The band-aids?"

"Why are you suddenly so curious? I thought you don't give a damn about me. "

"You can't see me, but I'm shrugging. I seriously don't know. Listen, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's not my business. Okay? Okay."

"...I need it to cover up my sexy arm. That's the simple answer."

"... I don't like this conversation already. But...why cover it? Did you fall recently? Or burn yourself, and you just want to cover it for some sense of protection? That's a good way to stop a possible infection, just make sure you clean your 'sexy arm' often and change the bandage when you're supposed to."

"No, I didn't fall or burn myself. Hey...this is going to sound... like I'm depressed. But I swear I'm working on it-"

"For the love of God, please don't tell me you cut. I can't stomach shit like that."

"...Am I supposed to apologize now? Sorry? Yeah, I'm sorry."

"DONALD, WHY?!"

"..."

"ANSWER ME DONALD."

"..."

"I know you're there, Donald. I won't yell at you, or say anything mean. I promise you that I can calm the asshole down along with the sarcasm. If you're harming yourself like this, please. Now that you told me, I have to worry about it now. Just answer. Don't hang up. "

"..."

"Shit, she hung up the phone. Hey, Hey Jessy? Are you on the phone with a customer?"

"Hm? No, I'm not. What's up? What's going on with your own call?"

"Nothing, she hung up. But seriously...is there any place to like...learn how to be a therapist? A book I can read? A documentary I can watch? Jesus, this girl is going to stress me out."

"'This girl'? I don't think there's anything that can make you a professional therapist, but we can check out some books and videos to just give that necessary comfort to your new...friend. I'll help you after my shift ends, okay? You end at five?"

"Yeah, I end at five. Thank you, Jessy." 

"Of course. See you at five."