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I entered my first class - Biology. Which I hated with burning passion. So much passion that I didn't even want to make love to the stupid subject. Everyone was already seated as usual, the teacher was already writing on the board. What a terrible morning, I'm so tired and my head hurts.
I took out my notebook after I got seated and drowsily stared at the board, my vision focusing in and out of blurriness. Yep, normal day for me. Except that this time, I have a lot on my mind. I tried to get in touch with Rayne but he wasn't in his room when I checked this morning. He's also not answering my text messages.
For God's sake, can't I have one friendship that doesn't involve drama or love?
I honestly don't know what to do at this point. I really liked Rayne, a little too much, it's just he is so different. Honest to God, he is the coolest guy I've ever met. And my best friend has been Phil since we were little! Rayne just passed his level of awesomeness in a couple of days.
That's how much I liked him, but he seems to be seeing something different than I was. He thinks I am being too affectionate with him, and I don't see it at all. I just see it as me trying to heal any pain that I left on him for insulting him and being cruel to him.
And to be fair, I wasn't even that mean to him. I was planning on taking it to the extreme because it was pissing me off how I didn't even hurt him, but it was an act, he was pretending that everything was okay when it wasn't.
Now I got sucked up in a gay drama. Jeez.
Rayne is just so ... it's hard to explain it without sounding as if I'm in love with him. And I'm not...
I see past his gender and sexuality, I just see him.
Wait, does that mean I like him that way? If I don't see him as a gender, then why would that stop me from having feelings ... for ... him. Oh God. What is going on?
Rayne is like a baby. No. I don't think of him that way. I don't. I don't like him like that!
Crack! I looked down on my broken pencil between my fingers. Oops.
I reached down in my bag and took out a pen, I stared at it ... this pen ... resembles a guy's genitals, doesn't it? Hm...
I placed the pen in my mouth - What am I doing?! I'm thinking of ... that ... thing ... in my mouth!? Just to prove a damn point? God damn, Jesse you're sad. You're a disgrace to the men all over the world. No, I'm not degrading gays but they need to stop being so squishy.
Okay Jesse, you need to get your act together. Stop putting pens in your mouth and just think. Now, do you like Rayne that way? No... Now think of it without the insecurities, without any judgement or hate, without no one making fun of you for your decision.
YOU ARE READING
Jesse Jackson is lost and hopeless in his own little world. His mind is full of dark secrets about his past, about the person he lost. That one night changed his whole life. It made him who he is today; An arrogant, clueless jerk who doesn't care ab...