Behind Her Smile

Behind Her Smile: 7

Jenna's P. O. V

Turns out that Darcy broke his ankle and needed to be taken to the E. R. I have to admit I felt a bit bad, but good at the same time for what happened to him.

Everyone in the gym were shock at what happened to him, while others were like me smiling and not shock at all. It was about time karma got his ass.

Right now I'm heading to my car when I hear someone calling my name behind me. I stop walking and turn around only to see that Alex was the one calling me. I smile at him and waited for him to reach me.

When he was near enough that he could hear what I said.

"Hey Alex! What's up?" I said smiling.

He finally reach me and stood in front of me.

"Hey Jen. I was wondering if you... Ummm- if you..." He started saying nervously.

"If I what Ale?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

He shook his head and I guess decided what he wanted to say?

"I was wondering if you were okay?" he asked.

I frowned confuse.

"You were wondering if I was okay?" I asked surprise. No one ever asked me if I was okay. Not okay as if you are physically hurt, but okay as if you are emotionally hurt. That kind of 'are you okay?' I have never gotten. And I don't know how to answer he's question.

Why? Because I'm not okay. I'm far from okay. But no one can know that I'm not okay. If they know what has happened in my past and what she is doing to me it would just make my whole life worst. I deserve what she is doing to me. Besides I ruined her life more than I have ruined my own.

I'll just have to do what I do best. Push Alex away. He's very kind to me and I barely know him, but is the best thing to do. I just have to pu-

"I'm sorry it was a stupid question to ask. I just asked it so I won't have to ask you the question that I really wanted to ask you. I'm afraid you would say no to the question. But can you please listen and consider saying yes?" Alex interrupted my train thoughts. I only heard half of what he said so I just nodded and waited for him to continue.

He took a deep breath and then let it out.

"Would you go on a date with me next Friday?" Alex asked smiling a little. That kind of smile that people get when they are nervous that's the kind of smile Alex had. But unlike other creepy nervous smiles he's nervous smile is cute and boyish. I like it.

I looked down at the floor and then looked up to he's eyes which were full of hope. Those dark brown eyes of his. Those eyes that I'm slowly getting addicted to. Those eyes that were warm and full of kindness. Those eyes that I wish I could stare at forever. Those eyes that make me feel safe for once in my life. Those eyes that have a glow in them. A glow that I have never seen on anybody before. Those eyes that would be the death of me.

I smiled back at him and bit my lip. And gave the answer that he was hoping for.

"Of course I would go on a date with you Alex. See you Friday." I said backing up and waving at him while smiling.

I reached my car and unlocked the door. Once inside I let out the small squeak I being holding and let out my real smile out to the world. My real smile. A smile that I don't have to fake. It's being a while since I really smiled... And I realized that the reason why I'm smiling like this it's because of him. Him and only him.

I can't believe I thought of letting him go. I can't never let him go. Even if I tried. I just meet him and I'm feeling like this. But I can't stop it. I can't stop my feelings for once in my life. And it feels a little bit good. But I can't live in a lie. I need to remember that him and me can never happen.

If she found out that I'm feeling again... She would take him away from me. I just need to live in the truth. And the truth is I can never be happy.

My smile slowly dropped when I remind myself of the truth. I felt tear willing up in my eyes, but I push them back and took a deep breath.

I started the car and started driving. While I was driving flashbacks of the death of my father started playing in my head.

"Dad! Can you change the radio station? Like this is totally old people music! I want to listen to Taylor Swift! I don't want to listen to no jazzy music. It's tots old and embarrassing." I told my dad while I was typing away in my phone.

"Sure, cupcake I'll change it." He replied letting out a short chuckle.

He took he's eyes away from the road just for 5 seconds and in just those 5 seconds a car crushed into us and pushed us off the road. My dad and me were the only ones in the car.

He was driving me to piano practice and was going to spend the day with me since he was leaving to a business trip. If only I knew that would be the last day I would spend with him.

I was in the back seat while he was driving. I survived the accident while my dad unfortunately died. He also died because of my fault.

My father and brother both died and it was my fault and no one's else. She is right to blame me for everything. It is my fault... Everything is my fault. I ruined her life... And that's my fault. No one else's but mine...

I felt tears in my eyes and the road was starting to get blurry because of the tears. I put the car on double parking and pressed my forehead against the streeling wheel and let the tears flow down. And cried my eyes out because it's the only thing I'm good at. I'm not good at anything else but cry.

"I never meant to hurt anybody." I mumbled again and again while I cried.

I don't know how long I stayed there crying but the last thing I remember was total darkness and being lift into someone's arms. I don't know who was carrying me but all I knew was that I felt safe in their arms. Like I belonged there.

I snuggled closer into their arms and opened my eyes a little only to feel rain drops fall on my face, but I got to see those eyes again before darkness took over me again.

Those eyes that I would never forget and would always remember even in my dreams. Those eyes that promise me hope.

"Alex..." I whispered before going back to darkness.