Beach

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We sat at the dock together, her small hand in mine, resting in my lap. She had her eyes set out on the water, looking perfectly calm. I couldn’t help but smile a bit, so surprised, still, that I had her. I was still surprised last night happened, I was shocked that we both wanted to matter so much to the other.

“I feel bad that we’re just spending our last full day doing nothing.”

She looked up at me, smiling. “I’m having a nice time.”

“There is this other lake, it’s across town. It’s a bit bigger than the water out here, and it usually gets more sun. It might be cold but we can bring food and spend the day together, if you want.”

“Of course I want to spend the day with you.” She studied my face. “Harry,” she squeezed my hand, moving a bit so she was facing me. “I truly want you in my life. Why don’t you really believe that? You keep looking at me in surprise, and if I’m being truthful, it hurts my heart.”

“Why would it hurt you?”

“You’re surprised because…”

“No one wanted me before?” I said quietly.

“No, I didn’t say that. But I know you feel that way. You said your uncle didn’t want you, which I’m sure isn’t true, then you said your aunt left then your dad…” she trialed off. “I’m sure you have some abandonment issues.”

I shook my head with a smile, playing it off. “Don’t read into so much.”

She had me pegged. It was surprising that anyone could want me. All my life I felt alone. My mom left me. My dad killed himself, leaving me behind. My uncle didn’t want to take care of me; my aunt was just there to get money that my dad left her. It was all an obligation, and at the end of it, I was alone. She was just staring; she put my face in both her hands, and pulled me into her lips.

“What was that for?” I breathed out.

She just smiled, and brushed my hair back affectionately. She stood up. “Take me to the beach Styles.”

I took hold of her hand after I hopped up, and we went into the house. We both changed, I knew the water might be a bit cold, but I still thought it would be fun. This beach was bigger than the lake at the cabin, there was a lot more to do. Once we were dressed, we took a drive, the wind blowing into my truck. I loved watching her hair whip around, it smelled sweet. We drove across town, arriving at the lake. It was pretty big, water flowing, enough sand to make it feel like a beach, but it was surrounded by pines.

“It’s so cold!” she shouted, ankle deep. She was still in her shirt and shorts.

“Is it that bad?” I came over. “Oh shit,” she laughed at my reaction. “I’m sorry, I feel like this trip was-“

“Harry this has been a wonderful, incredibly intimate trip for me, not counting the s-sex,” she stammered a bit, making me smile. “Let’s just take a walk.” She held my hand, and we started walking around the water. “Tell me about the last time you were here.” She said softly. “You came here with him, right?”

I nodded, deep in thought. “We,” I actually smiled. “We came here and would just dig and dig. He’d let me dig for dinosaurs, he’d join me.”

“That’s sweet.”

“I broke my arm on those play sets,” I pointed across the sand. “I…” I shook my head. “Holy shit, come with me,” I pulled her out of the water and grabbed our shoes.

“Harry?”

I lead the way, walking just off the big play set this beach had for little kids, into the woods. I looked around, and found the tree. I started digging, and digging. She knelt down, watching me.

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