Paradise Hotel: Book One • jb (UNDER EDITING)

Chapter 37

[Since I find it super funny to create trailers, I did a quick one to Paradise Hotel - it took me a couple of hours only, so please don't hate because it's not that good haha - and yeah, as I just said, it's not my favorite but I thought I could post it. It's good for now, I might change it in the future when I have more time to spend on making a good trailer. So it's good enough for now, at least! Please bare with me!]

"Justin, can you please come and stand beside me." Gabrielle motioned for him to walk up to her, which he did, without a single word. I felt the ache in my chest burn to a whole new level, and for a second I regretted my choice. I wanted Justin to stay in the hotel instead.

I remember how I told him that he could choose himself, if he wanted to stay or go. I recall how I told him that I was going to do crazy and stupid shit these weeks that are left, and I have already started to do those mistakes that Justin doesn't know about yet. Things that would kill him slowly, if he ever found out. I told him that he could go home if he didn't want to see me do those things, but he stayed. And now he has no choice but to leave. And now I feel bad about that, because when I told him to leave the hotel, I now realize I wasn't serious. I would never want him to do that. I want him to stay.

"Any last words to your friends?" She smiled at him, probably expecting him to say something to us in return. But he didn't. He just stared at me, completely blank with no emotions showing at all. He shook his head, keeping his eyes lock with mine the entire time. "Okay, then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the hotel."

I counted Justin's breath, it was easy since he was breathing in and out so heavily. He looked like he was seconds from breaking apart. I wanted to hug him. I wanted him to say 'fuck you Gabrielle' and walk back to me and scoop me up in his arms and kiss me and... and... stay. I wanted him to stay.

That's the thing, I wanted both of them to stay. I never wanted to send out any of them. Right now, I feel like I made the wrong choice. I wanted Justin to stay instead. I realized that I won't be able to go three weeks without him. Two more pair ceremonies before the winner is going to be finalized. I won't be seeing him at all, not any day.

I inhaled a sharp breath while I watched him as he took the first steps towards the exit of the hotel. It made me want to throw up. I could feel Zac's hand on the back of my shoulder, caressing me softly as if he understood exactly what I was going through. What he didn't know, is how much this is going to affect me and he doesn't know how much this will affect him too, if he wants to stand with me that is.

Justin was now gone, out the door and poof. Gabrielle wished the rest of us a good evening and then disappeared after him. I sighed, feeling a heavy weight on my shoulders that I thought would be gone by now but kept growing with each second, instead.

"Are you okay?" Zac asked me on the way back. "You look depressed." I wanted to tell him how much it hurt, to send out Justin. I thought that would be a bad idea since he doesn't know about mine and Justin's history. I thought that if I told him, he would get upset with me since I said that me and Justin were nothing. It was true. Me and Justin were nothing. But we were also secretly something. Something that could have been really good. "That must have been a hard choice you made."

"It was." I assured him, but he probably didn't understand how much it actually was. This was like choosing between your two favorite books, or movies, you just simply can't. I had to choose one, and I'm not even sure that I made the right choice.

We returned back to the hotel, everyone sat down at the living room, so I decided to join them even though I didn't feel like it. Suddenly the whole idea of this hotel didn't seem as appealing to me anymore. Everything felt basic. The swimming pool, the kitchen, the dining room, the living room, even the fake people seemed useless right now. There was only one person who could make this hotel glow, and he wasn't here right now. Because I out-played him. People didn't necessarily sympathize with Justin. No one said anything about him, or how sad it was that he left us. Everyone just kept talking like usual, like nothing ever happened. Almost like he never even existed in here. It doesn't surprise me, since no one never really payed any attention to him.