I couldn't sleep properly last night. I was out for four hours, at the most. In the morning, I was up earlier than usual. My stomach was being troublesome again. I treated myself to cereal and bread. But it didn't help. It wasn't long until I realised that the discomfort I felt wasn't because of an empty stomach.
I went out on the front porch and proceeded to dwell on the events that took place the night before. The memory made my mouth dry.
Eventhough my mother would always call it 'dumb and unnecessary', I have always wondered what it was like to have a boy kiss you. And it wasn't anything like I expected. Obviously because it wasn't with the right person. You're supposed to like that person.
What was I thinking?
It wasn't a proper kiss. In fact, it should be considered harassment. And it was something that would slip Harry's mind in a second. He was intoxicated and obviously, it meant nothing at all to him. And for that reason I should feel violated, shouldn't I?
But I wasn't angry about it. Nor did I feel violated. I was still in the midst of processing it and I wasn't quite sure what to feel.
"Bum rush the speaker that booms, I'm killin' your brain like a poisonous mushroom." My head turned to where the indistinct voice was coming from. I lit up when I spotted a boy with a sling bag stopping at the front gate. He was the mailman.
I felt around my thighs before pulling my letter out. "Hold on!" I called out as I rushed to the gate. He probably didn't hear me as he was bobbing his head and muttering verses of a song, taking no notice of me.
"Excuse me." I panted as I held onto the grills of the gate. The bespectacled boy pulled out the headphones from his ears before pushing the center of the rim of his glasses.
"Hi." He nervously smiled, pressing back his sleek hair.
"Hi, I need you to send this letter to this address." I pointed at the address on the small, crumpled envelope.
"Oh, sure. That's what we do. You could've put it in the mailbox." He chuckled.
"I can't. It's complicated. But could you please?"
"Of course." He grinned. "I could deliver it personally, even."
The boy's gaze suddenly left mine as he looked over my shoulder. His features were questioning and I followed his fixed stare to find Harry on the front porch, his arms folded over his chest. I sighed, venting my distress. Why did he keep popping up without warning?
I quickly turned back to the boy and mouthed at him, "Go."
"Is that a letter?" He pointed at the envelope in the boy's hand as he advanced closer. "May I see that?"
The young mailman looked at me worriedly, his magnified eyes nervously shifting. "I'd like to see that letter." Harry demanded.
"O-Of course." He replied as he handed the letter over to Harry, clearly intimidated by him.
"I miss you, I miss you. I can't wait to get out of this place and..." Harry paused, his grin as wide as ever as he flipped over to the next page. "And what, fall into his muscular arms?" He mocked in a high-pitched voice before glancing back at the letter.
"Harry, I think that's about enough." Mrs Briffen intervened, her face pink with exhaustion from her journey.
"Stop!" Stressed, my hands hovered over to the papers Harry held but his arm stretched up to a height impossible for me to reach.
"I hate this place, I hate all these people." He read out loud, his amusement evidently melting away as his smile weakened.
I realised that Harry had come to the end of the letter, so I stopped trying to snatch the papers away from him. In a way, I liked that he'd read it. I didn't exactly have the courage to express how I really felt about all this, I showed my dissatisfaction in subtle ways but now he knew my innermost thoughts about his father, Richard and him.