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Pen Your Pride

I walked slowly around the house aimlessly, humming the song that Edward composed for me. This song always reminded me of Edward and my only blood-related son. The poor little guy had died almost a century ago from a lung disease. Till this very day I still miss him. Of course, I have my three adopted sons that I love but it's not completely the same, like a piece of me is missing.

I sighed and looked around to see where my wandering had brought me. I was in the living room now. I wandered to the couch trying to push the thoughts of my son out of my head. I didn't want to make Jasper have to feel that pain; he already had to deal with enough.

I heard a gasp and my head wiped up, searching for the source of the noise. Alice eyes looked blank. It took me a fraction of a second to realize she was looking into the future. Jasper was suddenly by her side gripping her forearms and staring into her eyes searching for answers.

"Alice? What is it? What do you see?" Jasper whispered.

Alice simply shook her head. I watched as Alice eyes came back to focus on Jasper's face.

"I need to call Edward," she mumbled, pulling out her phone from her pocket.

I stared at her. Had something gone wrong? Had Edward hurt Bella? Alice would've told us if Edward hurt Bella, right? I continued to stare at her while I ponder everything Alice might have seen.

Alice growled softly and mutter, "Pick up the phone, Edward…"

Jasper stared at her confused.

"Alice? What happened?" I whispered. "Has something happened to Edward and Bella?"

"Hi, Alice." I heard Bella say into the phone. I let out a sigh of relief. It was nice to know that at least Bella was alive.

"Bella? Bella, are you okay?" Alice said urgently.

So, Alice saw Bella hurt? Why would she see that if Bella answered the phone now seeming completely fine?

"Yeah. Um. Is Carlisle there?" Bella asked.

This confused me. Was Bella in more pain then she let on?

"He is. What's the problem?" Alice asked.

I listened anxiously to her answer.

"I'm not… one hundred percent… sure. . . ." Bella said.

Something had happened then. I looked at Alice. Why wouldn't Alice tell us?

"Is Edward all right?" she asked warily. She then called Carlisle's name away from the phone and demanded to Bella, "Why didn't he pick up the phone?" before Bella could answer the first question.

"I'm not sure," Bella replied.

I heard Carlisle's footsteps as he ran downstairs. Had my assumptions been wrong? Was it Edward who was hurt?

"Bella, what's going on? I just saw—" Alice said, looking over at Carlisle.

"What did you see?" Bella asked urgently.

Alice was silent. Finally she said, "Here's Carlisle."

Carlisle took the phone that Alice was holding out to him.

"Bella, it's Carlisle. What's going on?"

"I— I'm a little worried about Edward.… Can vampires go into shock?" she asked.

I felt my throat tighten. So, it was Edward that was hurt? I watched Carlisle as he thought it through.

"Has he been harmed?" My husband said, suddenly urgent.

"No, no," Bella assured him. "Just… taken by surprise."

Taken by surprise?

"I don't understand, Bella." Carlisle whispered.

"I think… well, I think that… maybe… I might be . . ." She took a deep breath. "Pregnant."

Pregnant? Impossible. How could she be pregnant? Edward couldn't have children. There must be something else wrong with Bella. I watched as Carlisle's medical training kicked in.

"When was the first day of your last menstrual cycle?" he asked.

"Sixteen days before the wedding," she answered immediately.

"How do you feel?" Carlisle asked.

"Weird," she told him, and her voice broke. "This is going to sound crazy—look, I know it's way too early for any of this. Maybe I am crazy. But I'm having bizarre dreams and eating all the time and crying and throwing up and… and… I swear something moved inside me just now."

Those were definitely the signs of pregnancy, I had know those first hand, but she was right it was too early for her to have those symptoms now.

"Um, I think Edward wants to talk to you," Bella whispered with relief.

"Put him on," Carlisle said in a strained voice.

"Is it possible?" Edward whispered.

"Yes. There is a difference between Bella and female vampires. Vampires are frozen in the state in which they passed from human to inhuman, completely unchanging. Human women's bodies had to change to bear children. The constant change of a monthly cycle for one thing, and then the bigger changes needed to accommodate a growing child. Bella's body can change. Also, human men pretty much stay the same from puberty to death so our bodies would too." Carlisle explained.

I could feel my un-beating heart break. So I was the one who could have the child I always wanted, not Carlisle. I was the problem in this equation. I had known for a while that the little boy I had that century ago was my only chance at having a kid, but I always thought it was both sides of the equation that were infertile, not just my side.

I vaguely heard Edward ask about Bella. I ran up the stairs and straight to Carlisle and I's bedroom. I laid down on the bed and buried my face in the feather pillows. That's when I let myself go. I sobbed into the pillows.

This wasn't fair! Don't get me wrong, I love Bella and hope her child doesn't end up like mine, but it wasn't fair. She was definitely not the motherly type of girl. She wanted to give up the gift of bearing children to become an unchanging immortal.

I heard Carlisle slowly walk in, closing the door quietly behind him. He walked over to the bed and sat next to me.

"Esme?" He said stroking my hair. "Esme, it's going to be okay. Bella's going to be fine. We're going to get the thing out of her."

That hit a nerve. First, he called this wonderful joy a thing. Then, he wanted to get the baby out of her. Didn't he understand? This baby was something I wanted to have, yet he was fine with taking it from Bella.

I looked up at him and whispered angrily, "Take it out of her? Why?"

He looked at me, obviously surprised by my tone.

"You don't agree?" He said examining my face.

I shrugged, trying to hide my real emotions. "It's up to Bella."

He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. "I'm sorry, love, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Just let Bella have her way no matter what she chooses. Please, Carlisle?" I mumbled into his chest.

Carlisle stroked my hair. "Whatever makes you happy, Esme."

I looked up at his face and saw him smiling softly at me. I smiled back. He leaned down and kissed my lips gently.

"I love you," he murmured against my lips.

"And I love you," I whispered back.

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