vii

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sometimes i really hoped that i need not go to school, so that i won't be suffering from many eyes eyeing me. literally everyone's attention would be on me whenever i walk into the hallway.

probably it was because i was too fat and big sized so it was easily to attract attention. but this was the bad type of attention – the attention that no one ever wanted. the attention that is negative.

soo kyung's eyes lit up when she saw me as she waved. when she walked towards me, all the boys at the side wolf-whistled at her beauty. at times like this, i wish to be her. or at least, like her. but i knew, it was definitely impossible. i will never ever be like her.

"jae hee!" she chirped, as she clung onto my arm. i badly wanted to shook her off me, but i would probably send her flying to nowhere because of my strength. if she's with me, i get more attention, which i detest the most.

"soo kyung," i greeted back with a fake smile. we continued to walk towards our individual classrooms until we had to separate.

"see you later," she smiled, and entered her classroom while i entered mine which was just in front of her.

•••

surprisingly jung hoseok was quiet today. he was probably reflecting on his own actions, at least i hoped he was doing so. namjoon was being as hardworking as always, he was reading a book right now.

just in time, our math teacher came in and i couldn't help but to admire her figure. i felt so pathetic. i'm younger than her yet i'm much more fatter than her?

my conscience was consuming me.

after greeting her, my hands went to the zipper of my bag and unzip it, grabbing the familiar grey bottle of pills and placed it inside my pocket.

"ms jung, can i go to the toilet?" i rasied my hand as i questioned. soon, all the attention were on me as i bite my lip. ms jung nodded and i made my way outside towards the toilet.

•••

i stared at the pills lying on my fat palm. it looked so tempting to eat, to become slim without even trying, it was all so tempting. who wouldn't like to become pretty?

just as i was about to place it inside my mouth and swallow it, i heard a sound of door slamming outside and the door to my cubicle was suddenly knocked down and there stood namjoon who was panting heavily.

"namjoon, you–" i gasped.

"jae hee! i told you to stop taking those pills, why won't you ever listen to me?" he breathed out as he took steps nearer to me, and he kneeled down in front of me.

"i told you the consequences right? what if you really died on overdosing of pills?" he whispered-screamed. i bite my lip as i avoided eye contact with him. unknowningly, tears started to form in my eyes and i started sniffling.

"i'm just– i'm really worried, okay?" he whispered, as he pulled me nearer to him. i laid my head on his shoulder as i continued to sob uncontrollably.

"i'm not gonna say everything's fine, because i know it's not," he hushed me, as he rubbed circles on my back.

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