Comebacks.

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  "Does your stream of consciousness have any fish in it?"

  "Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

  "This isn't school. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting."

  "Well, your day is a total waste of makeup."

 "Now we know why some animals eat their own children."

  "When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head."

  "Don't let your mind wander, it's far too small to be let out on its own."

  "I can tell that you are lying, your lips are moving."

  "I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass."

  "I'm impressed, I've never met such a small mind inside such a big head before."

  "Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly."

  "Who pissed in your cheerios today?"

  "If you are going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."

  "There's no nice way of saying this; so I won't"

  "You know I would slap you but I dont wanna make your face look any better"

   "I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse."

   "If I wanted a bitch in my life, I would have bought a dog!"

   "Sorry, can't put small objects in my mouth or I'll choke"

   "What did you have for breakfast? Bitch Flakes?"

   "I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and sh*t a better argument than that." - Had to add this one, found it HILARIOUS.

   "I haven't taken a shower. Tomorrow I'll be beautiful. You, however, are stupid and will be stupid tomorrow."

   "Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle."

***

I got these off different websites and stuff, but seriously please use them and make the world a better place. 

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