Little Wallflower (Kohnnie)

Chapter 9

"Liar! You wouldn't know what love is if it cut your God damn mop you call a haircut!" I yelled, denying what Bryan had told me. I was acting childish, I knew this, but I refused to believe him when he tells me this feeling I have is love. He gasped dramatically in mock horror.

"What's this? Johnnie doesn't accept feelings even though he asked for help? Wow this really is a Tumblr situation right now." He said.

"Hey! It's not like I'm getting offended!" I yelled back, play punching his arm. He sighed and stood up.

"Listen, you asked for my help, that's my answer. Take it or leave it. Ask anyone else and I promise you they'll say the same. Goodnight." He said before leaving my room. It couldn't be, but it was. I knew it, and after putting aside my feelings for so long, I came to accept it. I picked up my phone to answer Kyle.

"I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid of losing you, even though you aren't mine. I'm afraid of every little feeling I have when I'm with you, or thinking about you. I'm afraid, Kyle, because I love you." I typed slowly, before hesitantly sending it. Oh dear.

~*

"Johnnie, sweetie, you missed the bus. Do you want me to take you? Bryan already took off." My mother said into my room. She's actually home today, which is odd, so of course I was curious and had to ask.

"Mom why are you here?" I asked. I sounded a bit harsh but I didn't care. It was the morning. She gave me a small smile.

"I decided I should be here with you more. Bryan seems to be getting fed up with you." She said jokingly. It was funny because it's kind of true. I am aware I drive him insane.

"I don't feel like going to school," I said, causing myself to give a fake but very believable cough. "I think I'm sick."

"Let me take your temp," She said, coming over and putting the back of her hand on my head. "You feel fine. You can go."

"That's not accurate." I told her, sneezing because the dust in my room. That sold it though, and that wasn't even intentional.

"Fine. You can stay. Don't stay in bed too long." She said, before kissing my forehead and leaving my room, slowly closing my door behind her. I checked my phone and saw that Kyle still hasn't read the message I sent him last night. I put the phone down and smiled a little. He'll read it eventually. And when he does, I can't wait to see the reply he makes. It should be interesting.

And the truth is, I was glad I told him. I don't think I could stand holding in that feeling anymore. It was demanding. It pushed its way through me. And a part of me is glad it did. Because, if it didn't, I wouldn't be in this position right now, waiting for Kyle to read my plea for his love over an electronic conversation because I was too weak to tell him in person. Too scared. Too vulnerable to my feelings because I didn't want to express them or show them or feel them. For a long period of my life, I didn't want to life at all, but there's just something about him it makes me want to express myself more than I ever have in my life before. If it feels nice. It feels nice to know that I'm out there and I don't have to hide myself anymore. Once you get past that feeling of fear, you may slip back into it once or twice, but you never fully slide back int it. Because once you overcome, you conquer. And it's the greatest feeling in the world. I promise.