Lupercalia (Darkest Night Trilogy Book 2)

Chapter 2: Complicated

   It was with a strange feeling of optimism that I made my way to school the next day. I tried to determine why. Maybe it was because today would be the first day that I'd actually made an effort to notice anything. Maybe it was because I now stood a good chance of making more friends. But the most likely reason was that I'd get to see my best friend/possible second love. As if on cue, my mind's natural pessimism fought to balance everything out. I began to worry. What if I got nervous and blurted everything out out of context? What if she didn't feel the same way? What if she DID but it all went wrong and she became another "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named"? I quickly shook my head to clear it. All these "What If"'s were going to get me nowhere. I was so absorbed in thought that I didn't realise I was already in my class. As I sat down I made one major observation: I was the only one in the classroom. I established that I must have been early and so I decided to get five minutes' sleep. 

Ten minutes later I raised my head from the desk. The room was still practically deserted. The only difference was that there were now two more people in the class. One was a boy who had similar hair to mine, shoulder length but one less shade of black than mine was. He seated himself a few rows to my left. The only other new arrival sat two desks in front of me. Although I could only see from the back, I knew exactly who it was. It was the beautiful redhead whose face had been occupying my thoughts. I began having a sense of Déjà vu. My eyes were suddenly drawn to the posters on the wall. In an attempt to confirm the obvious, I looked down at the desk. Six years' worth of graffiti stared back at me. I glanced back at Hannah. Sure enough, she was crying. I made my way over to her with all the enthusiasm of a soldier about to face the firing squad. It's not that I wasn't happy to talk to her, it's just I wasn't happy about what would happen afterwards. 

I took my seat beside her, and the scene unfolded just as it had last night. It was accurate down to the last detail. I asked her what was wrong, she tried to convince me she was fine and then when I prompted her she told me the truth. I gave her my whole speech about how he didn't deserve her in the first place and then there was a pause. She gave me the genuine smile, put her hand on my cheek and stopped. 

"Andy..." I held my breath nervously. I knew what was going to happen now, I just wasn't sure if I wanted it yet. "... I'm so glad I've got a friend like you!" she continued. I let out the breath as discretely as possible. After all that paranoia it turned out the scenario I was worrying about never happened. 

"Yeah, me too." I smiled back at her. "So where is everybody?" 

"Once a term Mrs. Cooper goes off for a three-day weekend with her husband. She expects us to just sit here and go over our notes from the last lesson. So the whole class does what comes naturally: they sneak off to the shop and I take advantage of the silence to think about things." I knew exactly what those things were so I didn't press the point further. I looked around the room for something to talk about. My conversational skills were rusty after two and a half years of not using them so I couldn't improvise yet. As my eyes flew around like demented bees, they spotted something under the desk. 

"What's all this?" I asked, gesturing to by our feet. Protruding from Hannah's bag were enough pieces of paper to make an entire battle squadron of paper aeroplanes. She hesitated. 

"It's my poetry." Hannah replied after a moment's silence. She then looked down, embarrassed. 

"Mind if I read one?" She nodded without looking up. I picked out the top sheet from the pile and looked at the title. "Life After Love." It was dated yesterday. As I read through I was immediately sucked in. It was like she'd seen into my mind and put my feelings onto a piece of paper. That poem was the deepest and most sincere thing I'd ever read. I turned back to Hannah to give her my feedback, but I could see that her attention was diverted. She was staring at the black-haired boy on the other side of the room. That must be James, I thought to myself. A deep pool of fiery hatred burned at the bottom of my stomach. In that moment, I was prepared to kill the heartless fool who'd hurt my best friend like this. I tapped Hannah's shoulder to regain her attention. It was in three people's best interests. She turned back to me and put that fake smile on her lips again. It almost looked convincing now, but I could see the effort it was taking to keep it there. She started the conversation off again. 

"If you don't mind me asking, where did you live? You know, before you came here?" 

"I lived on the coastline, only a 10 minute bike ride from here. It was beautiful. My house was right next to the beach..." my voice trailed off as a memory came flooding back. 

                                                        *TWO AND A HALF YEARS EARLIER* 

It was a beautiful summer afternoon. The weather seemed absolutely perfect; the sun kept me just hot enough, but every so often a light breeze would appear to stop me overheating. Another perfect day in my perfect life. I'd finally settled myself into high school, my mum and dad were happier together than ever, and I had the best girlfriend ever. I knew that I was lucky to have her. She was easily the prettiest girl in the school, and as such had a queue of practically every boy after her. When my grandmother was on her deathbed, she asked for me personally. She gave me her favourite ring, the one my grandfather had proposed to her with, and told me to keep it until I found "The One". It was a very special ring, one of only three in existence, and so it had to be given to someone who truly deserved it. So I'd sent Jenny a message asking her to meet me here on the beach so that I could give it to her. Deep down I knew I was making the right choice. I was madly in love with Jenny, and I was pretty sure she felt the same. When I saw her walking along the sand towards me, I quickly stood up and put my hand in my pocket. As she walked, she looked like an angel with her long blonde hair blowing gently behind her. As she approached me I opened my mouth to speak, but she interrupted me. 

"Andy, I think we need to break up." I simply stared at her, hearing what she said but somehow being unable to understand it. "It's just I'm not sure you're my type anymore. These past six months have been amazing, but it just doesn't feel right anymore. I'm sorry." It suddenly all sank into place. I know fully understood the situation, but now I just didn't want to. "Are you ok?" I nodded, not trusting myself enough to speak. She turned and walked away in silence. When she disappeared from sight, it all hit me. It was over. As soon I acknowledged the fact, I fell to my knees in pain. It felt like Jenny had put on the sharpest pair of stiletto heels ever made and stamped on my chest. The sky above me suddenly darkened, and the rain began to pour. I remained kneeling there. I just wanted the sand to swallow me whole and end my life. It was pointless without her.

*SIX MONTHS BEFORE THE PRESENT DAY* 

Later that night, I lay in my bed worrying. Because in the space of that short hour earlier today I'd learned two things. Firstly that I was definitely in love with Hannah, but secondly that I didn't stand a chance. She'd just had her heart broken, so she obviously didn't need me fawning over her. She needed a best friend, a shoulder to cry on. The one thing I'd never had before I met her. So I'd vowed that that's what I'd be, despite the emotional pain it'd put me through. But that vow was getting difficult to stick to already. Every time I'd brushed past her in the corridor I'd had to fight the urge to shout out my feelings for her there and then. I finally decided it was time. I had to tell her the truth, the next time I saw her. Just then a text message came through to my mobile. "Hey Andy, it's Hanzy, grab your bike and meet me at the beach by your old house. I need to tell you something REALLY important!" I looked over at my clock. 11:50pm. I climbed out of my window, slid down my drainpipe and fetched my bike out of the shed. Ten minutes later, I was at the beach where my descent into Hell had begun. And there, in the exact same spot where my personal demon had stood, was the person who could possibly bring me back to sanity. 

"Andy," she began. 

"Wait, Hannah, I need to say something too!" 

"I think I'm falling in love with you!" we both said simultaneously.