As Told By Nerdy

Chapter 27 - Nightmares

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Chapter 27 – Nightmares

The cold night released a few cold gusts that lashed out sadistically on my face. I was petrified; conscious of the disquiet that made its way to me. My eyes widened neither with fear or disbelief but on the consequences I would have to confront in a little while.

Leon stood there unmoving, nearly a statue. I wished his once pensive blue eyes showed any emotion at all, but they didn’t. Just an ocean of bare nothingness.

The sinking feeling crept in my stomach. I knew exactly how it must have looked like. I shook my head, as though it would convey something to Leon — something he didn’t already know. I had not been honest. What could I expect?

I scrambled to my feet and dragged myself to where he stood. Every step was arduous, made worse by the crushing guilt that resurfaced. Only now, it was more terrifying.

A couple of feet from him; that was all I could handle. It seemed like another step closer would make him shy away in disgust, or anger, or hate; whatever it was that I could not decipher on his void façade.

“L-Leon…” I whispered in a harsh undertone. I swallowed the lump that blocked my throat and reached out a hand to him. “Let me… Let me explain.” My voice broke in all the wrong places, unaware of the uncanny wintry breeze, of my hair whipping at my face.

Leon’s eyes flickered infinitesimally. Then all I could see was misery so severe I could not quite comprehend its depth. All my fault.

There was an otherworldly shadow that casted on his face before at last, he moved and turned away, disappearing through the darkness across the street.

In my mind, I very much needed to run after him. Tell him it was not what he thought it was. Beg. But I couldn’t muster enough courage to do so. I grasped with each and every strand of moral fiber that I was not truly deserving of him.

Matt came and towed me back to the front porch where I sat down weakly. Remorse was evident on his ashen face.

“Sarah… I’m so sorry.” His voice rang of sincerity. Deep down, I still doubted if he genuinely meant what he just said.

“Go home, Matt,” I mumbled eyes still fixed where Leon disappeared. A lump surged in my throat, hewing every breath with an unbearable heaviness.

“I’ll go to him. I could tell him everything,” he said seeming to argue with himself.

“W-would you?” I replied uncertainly.

His dark eyes lingered on me for several moments then stared at the ground with his face downcast. I immediately comprehended the answer. He could, but he’d rather not. This was what he was aiming for in the first place.

“Go home,” I croaked

I stormed back into the house, trudging heavily up the stairs then to my room to bury my face on my pillow in anticipation of the tears that had not come. Mom was right. Why did she have to be right every time?

I heard the revving of engine and I knew Matt was gone.

Empty. That was all I could feel. I wished for the tears to come. Then perhaps, after crying for god knows how long, I would feel a little bit better.

I speed dialed Leon’s number. After two rings I was redirected to the voicemail. I listened to the recorded prompt followed by a beep but I did not say anything and hung up several times.

You know what to do. His silky voice reverberated inside my head like a broken record, but I didn’t mind the pain as long as I could hear him.