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You are never too old for excitement ; remembering it is the tricky bit!

Charlie arrived home late.

He stood at the gate and stared up at his bedroom window. He was just about to go in, just about to flick the gate open when he heard a shrill scream coming from Maggie Stewart, his neighbour. Charlie headed into Maggie’s house; he held his breath as the familiar musty smell clung to his clothes like cling film, then another shrill scream pierced his senses...

Charlie jumped the stairs two at a time and charged into the bedroom; in the corner was a terrified looking young man; a young man with one leg out of the window; the window which was directly above Maggie’s shed. Charlie raced to the window with impressive speed.

‘In the nuts,’ yelled Maggie sitting up for a better view as Charlie grabbed the young man.

The two men fell to the floor and rolled about.  Maggie reached for her glasses as the young man broke free and made for the door.

‘Ya fud,’ yelled the unknown man along with many more incomprehensible words and raced down the stairs.

Charlie followed, tripped over one of the many rugs at the top of the stairs, and cascaded down like an avalanche of potatoes.  Within seconds Charlie’s life flashed before him and he realised there was bugger all to see. He landed on the floor with a thump and looked up to see the young man glaring at him like a Jack Russell.

‘See you!’ said the young man ‘yer for it!’ and ran off.

Charlie stared at the ceiling, numb with disbelief.  The flash backs of his life where over with quicker than a roll down stairs; and more boring than an advert on day time TV.


Charlie fumbled into bed Janice, his wife didn’t move. 

‘You never guess’ said Charlie ‘A ned was at herselves tonight...a ned; in Lochgilphead?’

Janice mumbled into her pillow.

Charlie looked at her back, was she awake? He took a gamble and began to tell her about Maggie’s underwear.   ‘I think it was crimplene’ said Charlie.

Janice rolled over and pushed the blanket back exposing Charlie’s leg to the cold. She rose from the bed and with a grunt swung her legs over the side.

Charlie watched his wife stumble into the wardrobe, muttered something medical and then hobble to the bathroom. 

Charlie pulled out his notebook and decided to write; it always made him feel better.

Maggie woke to find a young man helping himself to her ordainments and acted on an impulse.

‘Any port in a storm’, she crocked and flashed her wares..

The young man took one look and panicked.

He had been in a few ‘jobs’, seen a few things, but nothing had prepared him for the sight of Maggie and her crimplene under wear.

Janice came back from the bathroom with a glass of water.

A nipple peeked through one of the many holes in her Frankie says Relax tea shirt. In the half-light of his lamp Charlie stopped to admire.

He watched her bare legs move under the covers, he loved her legs. Over the years her lean figure had become almost androgynous, except for her legs. Watching her bare legs slip into sling back sandals was one of the highlights of the summer.

 Charlie slid his hand across to her thigh; Janice pushed his hand away and rolled over with a small snort. He looked back at his page; the inspiration had gone and so had his hard on.

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