Zodiac Horoscopes

THE SIGNS, YO

Aries: Funniest rants, trust me; Seems like a badass, but they're harmless until you seriously piss them off; Do not piss them off, their limits are usually reasonable and they willfight you; Unafraid to act, especially to defend you; Always thinking about what's coming up next; Great at starting projects they never completely finish; Sincere friends.

Taurus: Big, sweet cow eyes; Honestly just hug them and never let go, it'll be the best decision you ever make; Warm aura; They'll embarrass themselves, but it's endearing instead of cringe-worthy; Calm presence; Naturally reserved, but they will let you in if you genuinely care; Unintentionally funny; Some quality of theirs makes people look up to them.

Gemini: They try so hard, bless their hearts; Cutest clothes; One of you is going to have a crush on the other; Awkward in a way that makes tension disappear; Unintentionally attracts trouble; It doesn't occur to them to not put up with your shit; Not very considerate to your emotions unless they're helping you with a specific issue; Super passionate about their fandoms and interests; Someone you can always talk to.

Cancer: Fucking dweebs that will laugh over the most bizarre things; Will always love you; Messy; They genuinely want you to do your best; They deeply care about all of their friends, too; Give great hugs; Take everything personally and fully invest themselves; They might get too wrapped up in something that doesn't seem important to you, but just be patient with them, they're worth it.

Leo: Simultaneously the most self-absorbed and caring people; Lucious locks; So intimidating, but it's all a big, fat lie if you're friends; Would kill for you; Childish and immature; Can actually be very practical minded; Really wants you to like them, but they're not going to try hard for your approval; Let them have the last word because they're going to have it eventually.

Virgo: Sad eyes that know the dark secrets of the world; They don't feel in control, yet they try to be; Organized and methodical; Outwardly cynical (but they secretly hope for the best); If you meet their standards, consider yourself lucky; Big sister who will always help you with your problems; Feels most comfortable in a dark movie theater; Listen to them because they know what they're talking about; Surprisingly patient.

Libra: They have a story for everything; Loves to go out with their loved ones; They spend a lot of time thinking over ideas and concepts; DILF; Lifelong friend that you can always turn to; Confidence booster; Can be surprisingly selfish sometimes; Indecisive as fuck; They're going to win you over before you even realise it; Silently judgemental, but this doesn't mean they take sides.

Scorpio: 10/10 would bang; Could destroy you effortlessly; Lifelong struggle bus ticket holder; Romantic love is not their strong suit; Darkly magnetic; Shared looks and inside jokes will be abundant when you hang out; Do not fuck with their friends; I repeat: do not fuck with their friends; seriously; avoid this at all costs; These are the type of people who will burn your house down and steal your boyfriend; If you fuck them over, they will cut ties forever, even if they still love you.

Sagittarius: They're best friend material; Lots and lots of friends but few close friends; Attractive/ Magnetic; You're going to find yourself thinking about them later; Can go literally anywhere and fit in; Histrionic; Will not put up with your bullshit at all; They seem like an open book, but this is not the case at all; Take themselves a little too seriously; More loyal than you could ask for.

Capricorn: Sassy as hell; Sarcasm actually flows through their veins; You will admire them; Always seemingly stable; They have the soundest advice; Tend to think they're always right, and they aren't exactly wrong about that; If they love you, it's true; Good listeners and friends; Grouchy is their default emotion; Lowkey SUPER competitive, just let them win because they will literally never let it go ever.

Aquarius: You will fall in love with them, even if it doesn't last; They're going to make you laugh; They try to be forgiving creatures; Lowkey super stubborn about things they believe to be right; Really, really good at one area of expertise; Detail oriented; They downplay their emotions; It's hard to completely understand what they're thinking about unless they explicitly tell you; Trust their gut because they're going to be right.

Pisces: Hug them, please, they'll really appreciate it; They're probably going to fall in love with you, too; Trusting and trustworthy; Watch what you say around them because they're very sensitive; Encourage them to trust their intuition more; They'll be able to understand your feelings more deeply than any of the other signs; Insecure but so, so, so worthy; Would die for you; Sneaky; Need a favor? Call this babe.