NEW: Introducing Tap. Addictive chat stories for your 📲 Now in 10 languages

(Theses quotes range from the movies to the plays....)

Call the po-po, I aint scared of no the po-po ho.

She don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug. I shot Tupac. Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him, though. No, that wasn't me.

I'm Madea. Muh to da d**** D-E-A!

Lady, I got bout 27 people in my head and they was all about to beat yo a**!! I'm telling you, I'm crazy, I will burn this place DOWN!

You ain't even gotta say nothin' I done changed my life. I am livin' for the Lort, I am livin' for the Lort. When I think of the goodness of Jesus and all that he has donnnnnnne for me, my soul cries out halleu-yer thank God for savin' me.

Cooka big pot of grits, bring him into the kitchen, then toss the grits on him. Then after you toss them, swat him with a frying pan. You gotta get you a good balanced weight, toss and swat, toss and swat, Venus and Serena, that's called grit ball.

I'm going by the church, I didn't say I was GOING TO CHURCH I said BY the church

Wwjd what's that? What's wrong with jermaine dupree?

Judge Ephriam: Bryan, does she watch your kids?  

Brian: Oh, she's actually really good, she's a big diciplinarian though, but uh... they have a lot of respect for her.  

Judge Ephriam: Really?  

Judge Ephriam: Stand up Nikki.  

Judge Ephriam: Mable Simmons, since you can't seem to act like you have any sense except when you're caring for somebody, meet Nikki Grady. You're her new foster mother.  

Madea: The hell I am! I dont - huh! - hell naw! It's a reason why god put a woman through menopause, I'm past 60... you know what that means? After that time you're not supposed to be bogged with no kids. I'm sorry, I will kill that lil girl... I don't know her...  

Nikki: So, You ugly anyway, old lady!  

Madea: She tryna get me the electric chair already.  

Judge Ephriam: Either you're her foster mother or you're a prison mother.  

Madea: I'll take the prison for 200, Alex. Lock me up, hell, I'd rather be in Martha Stewart's old cell fightin' for my *virginity* than to be sittin' there dealin' with this.  

Brian Simmons: She'll be a great foster mother, your honor.

I told you, you don't know how to lie. What kinda lawyer don't know how to lie? Lie and lawyer go together lie-awyer... lie-awyer!

Madea: Joe. Did that thing just push you?  

Joe: Sho did. She don't know about us. We Baptist. We tear this place up.  

Madea: Girl, I will set it off up in here. She don't know me. You better be glad you at church. Jesus just saved your life, Hallelu-yer!  

Milay Jenay Lori: I'm tired of dealing with black people. Always late. And ig'nant.  

Madea: She don't know me. I'm a straight-up thug. I shot Tupac. Yes, I did. We was arguing over a parking place. I didn't kill him, though. No, that wasn't me.

Joe: We don't want it. Return to sender  

Madea: I remember I sent you somewere too and you came back with something. It still itching?  

Joe: Yo' momma. Aw hell that's my momma too

Madea: Look girl I'm done told you already to stop poppin' that gum!  

Funny quotes and comebacksRead this story for FREE!