Incandescent | Phan

Chapter Six: False Pretenses

I've finally got round to listening to Blue Neighbourhood and it is amazing. My life is now complete.

Phil

* * *

It was strange how things can change so quickly. Just last night I was cuddling underneath the stars with Dan who is a friend and here I am on a date with my soulmate. Yet surprisingly, I felt more love towards and from Dan than I did with Ryan.

Of course I did feel something for Ryan but it was nothing as strong as I felt for Dan. It felt wrong and I hated myself for it. I shouldn't feel like this; I shouldn't have feelings for him.

"Phil... There's no easy way about this but do you still like me?" Ryan asked, pulling me from my thoughts. Which I was grateful for as my thoughts were going down a dangerous path and me and danger never go well together.

"What?" I asked. "Of course I do! Don't be daft, Ry, we're soulmates."

He shook his head. "I feel like you're pulling away from me. I don't like that Phil. I'm not letting that happen twice."

"Twice?"

"Never mind. Forget I said that." He dismissed me with his hand. I frowned, confused. Everyone was being so confusing lately, so secretive. Like they were in on something and I was left out.

"No. No, I won't forget it. Tell me!" I insisted. Ryan sighed.

"It's just-" he stopped for a moment, thinking about what to say before he started speaking again. "I love you Phil. I don't want to lose you."

"And you won't, I promise." I told him. However, a part of me felt like that was just an empty promise.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

* * *

What do you say to someone after spending the night cuddling with someone that is not your boyfriend and the feelings are totally platonic? Do you act natural? Pretend that it never happened? Or address the elephant in the room?

Right now I was with Dan in his bedroom, helping him catch up with the work he's missed. When I say help I mean just let him copy all of my notes.

Music played quietly from Dan's CD player and I was grateful as otherwise the silence would have been too much. I never really liked silences, they were scary and led to thoughts to creep in, poisoning your mind and leaving you with nothing but anxiety.

I bit my lip, thinking over the pros and cons of asking Dan about the other night. I would have rather have waited for him to mention it first but it seemed he didn't want to talk about it. Or maybe he was too focused on the work to actually talk. However, this was going to kill me inside. I couldn't deal with not knowing.

"Spit it out Phil." Dan sighed, looking up at me. I gave him a questioning look. "I know you want to say something, so just say it."

I didn't know how to say it, that was the thing. I stumbled over my words, trying -and failing- to find the right way to 'spit it out'. "It's about us... Cuddling."

"What about it?" Shrugged Dan, acting nonchalant. This was unlike him and I knew it was just an act. This confused me even more.

"I just... I don't know. It's stupid." Shaking my head, I looked down at dans black and white quilt cover, wishing I was any where but here right now. "It's nothing."

Dan put aside his notebook and lifted my chin up. "Tell me, I'm your... friend, friends tell each other everything. Besides you brought it up so it must be something and I doubt it's stupid."

"Promise you won't judge me?" Dan smiled and nodded saying he won't judge me. That gave me a little bit of confidence.

Just a little bit.

"When I was with you I felt- I don't know, happier? Safer? I can't describe it. I felt at home, I suppose is the best way of saying it. But when I'm with my soulmate I don't feel anything, not like I'm supposed to anyway. It's all so confusing." I admitted. "Dan you're the only thing that isn't confusing to me and I don't know why and I don't know why I'm pouring my heart out to you but it feels right and I-"

Dan cut me off by gently placing his lips on mine. "Hey, don't worry okay. It's all going to be okay. Trust me."

For some reason, I trusted him and I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss all day.

X

The ending is meh, but hey I've updated!! Happy new year guys! How was your Christmas?

Thanks for over 200 reads!! You guys are amazing.

Also if I told you my kik would you guys hmu? I want to speak to some of you bc you all seem vv cool. I must warn you I am a loser, okay?

Hope you're all well and ily all!

- talia.  X