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Penelope

We're on hour four of our eight and a half hour flight.  Simon has been asleep since hour two.  I can't blame him though.  He doesn't really sleep much these days.  I brought a book to read.  Some young adult fantasy novel that Simon gave me for Christmas.  It's about lesbian mermaids.  Please.  All mermaids are pansexual.  Everyone knows that.

    I gave up on reading fairly quick.  My head isn't really in the place to process any type of new information right now.  Real or fiction.  I've been mindlessly watching the in-flight movie, not really thinking about anything.  I don't want to think about anything right now.

    Micah and I weren't on good terms when I boarded this aeroplane and we won't be when I get off of it either.

    He thinks that I'm letting my worries for Simon come between us.  He doesn't seem to understand the bond between us even though he spent an entire school year with us, learning our ins and outs, when he was an exchange student during our third year.  All he sees now is his perspective and that isn't going to work for me.

    Simon thinks this is a trip for Micah and me to go flat searching.  Granted, we are going to do that but the entire trip is going to be one final test.  Neither of us are very happy.  We've been together since we were very young but, as much as I don't want to admit it, we are both very different people now.  A romantic relationship might not be the best thing for us anymore.

    Simon whimpers in his sleep.  I put my hand on his and gently rub his thumb with mine.  His face softens, for a moment, but he whines again.  This time louder.  I cast, "Dream a little dream of me." very softly and a tiny smile grows on his face.  He seems peaceful.

    He's not always the boy that I grew up with anymore.  Some days I don't even recognize him.  He's terrified.  He's empty.  He's not Simon Snow.  I really hope that this trip awakens something in him or, at least, reminds him that he is very much alive and that the Simon Snow he has always been still exists.  I need him to remember.

    He has to remember.

    I pull out my phone (I put down the extra cash for the plane's wifi because I am a ~millenial~.) and I open up a new text.  I type in Agatha's name.  We don't talk as much as we used to but, even across the pond, she is still the only friend I have that is a girl.

    "
Hey lady.  Everything going well?"

    It takes her a few minutes but she messages me back.

    "all good here. how about u???"

    "Flying to Chicago right now.  Nervous about this Micah stuff."

    "dont worry.  u guys are meant to be. always have been <3 :) "

    I can't even text her back.  I'm not so sure that we are meant be at all.  I can't tell if what we have is a comfort that we don't want to let go of or if it is something else entirely. 

    I haven't said "I love you" to him and meant it in six months. 

    Of course, I love him.  I just don't think it's the kind of love that I used to think it was.  I have never been this confused in my life and I don't know what to do.

    Simon chuckles in his sleep and, for a second, nothing else matters.

    My best friend in the entire world and I are flying across the globe and he is smiling and there isn't a single monster trying to kill us.  I think that no matter what happens on this trip, we're gonna be fine. 

    We'll be fine.

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