Loving You.....my sweet Shannen!

“No….” This time I heard my mom cried.

“Liar!!!! Are you God!!!???” Napapitlag ako sa pagsigaw ni Daddy. Thank God they didn’t notice me. I still want to hear them. “Don’t you know who I am??? I am one of the richest people in this country! I own this hospital. I own you!!!” My dad was kind of shouting, but not too loud, maybe he was afraid that it would wake me up. But I am already awake.

“Reynaldo………” Napahawak si Mommy kay Daddy ng bigla itong napa-upo sa sofa sa loob ng hospital room ko.

“Dr. Ramirez……” It was the first time I heard dad’s voice broke, to see him crying. At that time I want to hug them. “I’m sorry. Hindi ko lang lubos maisip kung bakit…..ang anak ko pa…….maraming iba diyan. Mga criminal, mamatay-tao, magnanakaw…..bakit ang anak ko pa???? Mabait siyang bata…….”

I want to cry but I can’t, even if I feel like crying. Maybe because of the medicine they gave to me.

“I fully understand sir, although it is foul to say that I feel what you feel because I am not in your situation right now. Yes, I am a doctor. I am not God Sir. But I am an instrument of God to extend HIS power…… to cure illness.” Hinawakan niya si Daddy sa balikat. “Pray. Yun na lamang po ang magagawa natin sa ngayon. Don’t ask HIM why, lahat may rason. Ang buhay natin ay hiram lang natin mula sa kaniya.” Then the doctor excused himself at lumabas na.

At my first month, I withdraw my self to life.

Hindi ako kumakain. Nagpapalipas ng gutom. Wala akong kinaka-usap. Ni hindi ko iniinom ang mga gamot ko.

I find it….USELESS.

Bakit pa? Para saan pa ang lahat? Hindi naman nito mababago ang katotohanang MAMATAY DIN AKO.

Kahit sino na nasa sitwasyon ko ganun din ang mararamdaman. Ganun din ang gagawin.

At ang tanging paraan para takasan ko yun….is to withdraw my self from life since ang life naman ang unang tumalikod sa akin.

I was selfish. I know.

The doctor was right. Sino ba ako para kwestyunin ang Diyos? Hiram lang naman ang buhay natin sa kanya.

Pero kung kukunin din naman niya pala agad……SANA HINDI NA NIYA AKO PINAHIRAM.

I am only sixteen. I am too young to die. I don’t want to leave my mom and my dad. Panu sila pagtanda nila? Who will look after them kung wala na ako?

I still have so many dreams. I want to have a family. A daughter and a son. I am dreaming of a not so perfect love story.

Mamamatay akong ni wala pang first kiss. Mamamatay akong virgin. I know nakakatawa ako at naisip ko pa yun, but…….. ayokong mamatay na virgin.

I want to experience life. Buhay na pilit na ipinagkakait sa akin ng TADHANA.

But then that was ME a month ago. After my second month, nagbago ang lahat nang nakilala ko siya. Siya na ibinigay ng Diyos to open my eyes and my heart. Siya na naging lakas ko.

And now, I want to spend the remaining months of my life with him.

“Do you trust me Shannen?”

“Urggghhhhhh!!!! How many times do I have to tell….not that name……”

“Do you trust me?” He said again.

“Yes….. I trust you.” Inabot ko ang kamay niyang nakalahad sa akin.