My Big Brother Liam Payne (a cancer story)

Liam's letter

Liam's POV

I knew what that letter was as soon as I set eyes on it. But I couldn't open it. I didn't have the strength to. I was aware that the other boys had letters as well because I had spotted envelopes with their names on around the room.

It was a week since Bailey passed away and I still hadn't touched it. It sat, waiting to be opened, on the kitchen counter. The boys often glanced at it and then at me, almost hinting at me to open it.

But they had completely forgotten about that today because it was Bailey's funeral. Mum, dad, Ruth and Nicola had all flown over from England for the funeral and we're staying at another nearby hotel. Paul, Lou and some other people from the tour team were coming as well.

I stood in front of the wall length mirror and adjusted my black tie one last time. I was dressed in a black suit, white shirt and tie as were the other boys. Zayn walked over to me and smiled sympathetically at me. I didn't smile back, I hadn't done since Bailey died.

"You ready?" He asked. "The cars here to take us to the church"

"Yeah" then something came into my mind. "Hang on a minute, I need to get something. I'll meet you outside"

Zayn looked curious but he nodded and headed out the door. I walked over to the kitchen and my hand hovered over the letter. I was about to grab the letter but snatched my hand back. I thought for a moment. Come on Liam, it's time to toughen up, it's time to face it. I grabbed the letter and tucked it into the inside pocket of my blazer before making my way outside.

"Everyone ready?" The driver asked as I sat down in the car.

"I think so" Harry nodded and the driver started pulling out of the hotel car park.

The journey to the church was completely silent. I spent the time staring into space and thinking about what was going to happen from here. I knew I would end up having to face everyone soon. I hadn't left the hotel room at all and management had cancelled some of the concerts and reorganised them for another date. I didn't want to let the fans down, it wasn't their fault. But I felt lost without Bailey, I didn't know what to do without her.

When we pulled up at the front of the church I stayed in the car, as did Zayn. The other boys got out and headed towards the church door but stayed there when they realised I hadn't moved.

"You can do this" Zayn said confidently. "You can fight this"

"But I don't know what I'm fighting, I don't know what to do" I stressed and ran my hands through my hair.

"You've got to fight the sadness, do this for Bailey, Liam. Give her this last send off"

"I don't know if I can make it through" I said and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"You will. But if you don't, we'll be right here for you. You're not alone Liam, even if you think you are, were right here next to you" Zayn said simply.

I took a deep breath and nodded, looking at Zayn straight in the eye.

"I'm ready" I sighed.

"Let's go" Zayn gave me a confident smile and we got out the car.

I looked up at the sky and breathed slowly for a few minutes, almost trying let go of all of my worries. Zayn put a hand on my back and pushed me gently towards the building. The boys gave me sympathetic looks as I approached them and Niall patted my back as we walked into the church. We walked up to the front row and stood while the rest of the people walked in.

"We've got a surprise for you" Zayn nudged my arm and nodded his head towards the door.

I looked in that direction and almost smiled. Almost. Sophia walked quickly over to me and hugged me. I put my arms around her waist and hid my face in her neck.