You're Not My Flavor

White Dress Cake Mess

Chapter Twenty Three: White Dress Cake Mess

I watch in horror as Anna - er, Samantha - makes her way up the aisle, grinning so happily. “Are you sure?”

“I think I  know my own sister, Bart,” Harley hisses at me. “What do we do? Edward can’t marry my tramp of a sister! She’s got to go to jail!”

“Um…” My mind’s racing. My brother has been dating a criminal this whole time and he never even knew it. This pretty much means borderline suckage for him. Like, who knew? Who knew he was going to marry a psycho prison escaper? “I got it. Chill.”

“Chill?” She echoes. “How the hell am I suppose to do - ”

“Shh,” I whisper. “I got this. Trust me, Watson.”

The priest starts talking when Samantha reaches Edward. I’m waiting for those words he’s suppose to say. If he doesn’t say them, well then fuck yeah I’m going to have to go up there and do this myself. Edward murmurs something in her ear, and she smiles again. But if you look close, you can actually tell she’s forcing it. She never even wanted to marry Edward. I bet she doesn’t even love him. But why is she marrying him then? For money? For love? Nah, definitely not for love. It’s probably just for the money. There’s practically no other reason.

“If anybody has any reasons these two should not be together, please speak now or forever hold your peace.”

I’ll meet you out when you’re out of the church at the back door…don’t wait or say a single vow…you need to hear me out…and they said speak now…

Oh shit. Wait. I’m suppose to be that guy that everybody hates and interrupt the wedding to say the shit that’s gotta go down.

Damn you Taylor Swift. Where’s Kanye when you need him?

I slowly stand up, grimacing when I hear people start gasping. Every single pair of eyes goes to mine. I‘m use to attention, but not the bad kind. Like, you know, getting caught doing drugs attention. Or running away from the crazy cops attention. Anyways…“I…uh, have something to say.” Edward is staring at me like I’ve went crazy. I’ve been crazy for a long time now, so I can ignore that look with ease. “Um…Eddie boy…you can’t marry her.”

Edward growls. “And why the hell not?”

“Because she’s not the girl you think she is.” I narrow my eyes at her. “Isn’t that right, Samantha?”

Anna - er Sammy, - snaps her head back at me in horror. Her eyes are as wide as an ostrich’s brain. “What did you just call me?”

“See,” I step out into the aisle, making sure to gently push Harley’s head down so Samantha doesn’t see her, “Anna’s real name is Samantha Newcroft.” Another round of gasps wave through the audience.

“Bullshit.” Edward immediately turns to Anna for confirmation. His face falters when he sees her expression. “Anna?” He asks softly. “Is it true?”