In His Eyes

Chapter 5

For ilse2512

One month since Scott kicked me out from his room. He was fine about a week later but he wouldn't really explain what was going on. He would just dismiss it like it was nothing. There was still the hand kisses. Nothing even close to my lips. I somewhat became confused.

When I imagined Scott and I finally meeting, it wasn't as tame as this. I imagined kissing him everyday. I imagined sex. But life is a bitch. And reality is just part of the bitchy exterior. This reality wasn't fun. I was trying to play to the best of my abilities right now but I kept hitting the wrong keys. Scott noticed from his laying position on the bed. He looked up from his magazine.

"Hey? What's on your mind?" He sat up on the edge.

"Why won't you let me kiss you?" I asked bluntly. He sighed.

"Your parents don't like me, Mitch. And besides, are we even dating?" He motioned between us. I looked down at my lap.

"I thought you were....my boyfriend." He looked at me with a thoughtful expression. I suddenly felt myself panicking. "But I mean, if you don't want to be romantically involved then we don't have to be. We could always be fr-"

"Friends?" His face was completely blank. I saw the amusement in his eyes. And I could feel it through him. He was relaxing. I bet if I closed my eyes, I could see through him. He smiled finally. "There's absolutely no way I could be friends with you if we both want each other this much."

"Then why won't you kiss me? And don't give me some bullshit about my parents." He scratched the back of his head.

"It complicated." I came to sit on the bed next to him. If I could just get him to explain, maybe we could get passed all of these blocks. "I'm a drug addict, I'm a whore, and I'm not boyfriend material."

"I think you are." I moved a tiny bit closer to him, slipping my hand into his. "I like you, Scott. And I don't care about your past or what I may have seen. Because I like you for you. The you that I see when you are around me. The real you." He smiled.

"So I guess if we're boyfriends, then I have to take you out on a date." I smiled happily.

That night we went to go see a movie. The theater was about empty. There was a couple of teenagers sitting in the middle. But we took the spots in the very back. Scott grumpily ate the popcorn I bought. He didn't want me to use my money. But when he bought our tickets, I saw he didn't have that much. I would rather him just pay me back later. Or in other ways. I would take just kissing him. Halfway through the movie, I snuck my hand into his. He smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek. I caught his chin in my other hand. I used that to my advantage, leaning in to kiss him.

I felt something change just then. He wouldn't stop kissing me. Just let me get this straight first, I wasn't complaining in the slightest. It was a really sudden change. He had moved the armrest out of the way so we could get closer. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I could feel his excitement. And that wasn't a reference to a certain thing on his body. I could feel the spark he felt. I could feel the fire he felt running through his veins. And I wonder if he could feel what I was feeling. My heart pounding. My body desperately craving for him to give me more. I was needy. And just a simple kiss wasn't going to stop it. I stopped Scott by pushing him back.

"I want you." I kept my voice as a low whisper. I felt him tense.

"I....Trust me when I say this, I want you too. But this is beyond complicated. I can't....I can't do something like that to you." He was mimicking my volume. I decided to pout. I pushed away his chest. Then to add extra insult, I put the armrest back down between us. He rolled his eyes at my pouting. I was irritated though. He can't keep doing this to me. He's teasing me.

Scott and I finished the movie. We were on our way home when he decided to stop. He went into a convenient store while I waited outside. He didn't show me what he bought. Just came out with a small smile on his face as he tried to grab my hand. I crossed my arms over my chest. Oh yeah, still pouting asshole. He laughed. That must mean he heard my thoughts. I wasn't hiding them.

"What can I do to make you forgive me?"

"You know exactly what." There was a long silence that I used to show him I was angry. I would walk ahead of him. He stopped me when I tried to slam my door in his face.

"I'm sorry, Mitch." I rolled my eyes. No he wasn't. He was slightly enjoying it. But I didn't know if he was in it for the chase or he just honestly didn't want to have sex with me. God I sound weird. "I love you." I think that's the first time he's said that in a long time.

"I love you too." I mumbled. I kind of gave up now. I was fine with whatever this was. Scott glanced around my hallway. But it was almost midnight. No one would be awake. I was caught off guard by him pulling me into a kiss. I relaxed and pulled him closer. He moved us back into my room. I heard the door close gently. He must be shutting it with his foot. Oh why the hell do I care? I was focused on what was happening. The feeling of him becoming aroused. He pulled my shirt over my head, breaking the kiss. "Scott?"

"I just want you to be okay. I can't hurt you. I can't taint you, Mitch."

"As long as I'm with you, I'll always be okay." He put his forehead against mine. I was holding onto the collar of his shirt so he couldn't move away.

"What if I'm not around? What if something happens?" I tapped his head lightly.

"We're never truly without each other." My arms went around his neck as the kiss started again. I began to unbutton his shirt. His lips never left mine. This was really different. I didn't feel like we were going to stop because of Scott. Speaking of Scott, I had gotten his shirt off and I was unbuttoning his jeans. He was smiling into the kiss. I let out a tiny gasp when he shoved me back on the bed. He took off his jeans and grabbed for mine. He climbed on top of me after we got down to our boxers.

"Are you nervous?" He asked, kissing my collarbone.

"Not really. Are you?" He laughed against my skin.

"Terrified. I love you." His hand slipped into my last piece of clothing.

"I know." I was teasing him. His whole body was tensed and I wanted to him to relax. I wanted him to enjoy this. "Scott, I want to be with you."

"It's going to hurt. I'll try to ease it but it will always have a little pain." I held his face in my hands, bringing him into my kiss. I jumped when I felt something inside my body. I had my eyes closed. Scott had pulled away and he was looking over me. I could see myself through his eyes. I didn't like how I looked. So I forced my eyes open. I felt a slight pain. I put my hand to my forehead. "You look beautiful in my eyes." He got rid of our remaining clothing. I couldn't look at him. I was too embarrassed. So I hid my face with my hands. I heard a package rip open.

"I trust you." I said it through my hands. He moved them away.

"Are you ready?" I nodded. He tried to distract me with a kiss. The pain was still there. I let out a small whimper at the feeling of him. It felt weird. My body felt full. "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"I'm going to move, okay?" I could only nod. He moved his hip back slightly before moving forward. It was slow. It was....really nice after awhile. Don't get me wrong, there was still pain. It was just lessened. The pleasure was just setting in. My hands went to grab his shoulders. I couldn't-

"S-Scott?" He only responded by kissing me. I felt everything building up. Then I met my release. He muffled my moan with the kiss. His own moan came second earlier with his high. He waited a couple seconds before move to lay next to me. I turned to hug him. "I love you. Thank you."

"I'm just glad you're happy. And I know." I smiled, closing my eyes. We fell asleep together.

And my dreams....

Were completely blind.

Our connection was broken.