Chapter One

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Do you ever wish you could just wake up and like remember it all. All the small moments in life. Your birth, the day you got your first crush, the day in kindergarten or pre-school when you started learning the alphabet. Does it ever scare you? Life's full of so much and yet we don't have the capability to write down every single little detail. This isn't a movie where you have a narrator. All you get is you and some time with a little bit a fate and however you decide to align your stars is what you get out of life.

It's not always fair. There's death, and tragic events and so many more and sometimes it's so crazy that you just stop and cry. Stress arrives and expectations rise from people and it's all too much.

I'm no firm set and stone believer of one certain God because I think everyone has there own perception of him. And if that offends you then I'd say continue reading and even if you don't give a shit, keep reading, and if you love the idea, keep reading. I think all 'God's' have one thing in common. 

They wouldn't give us a challenge if we weren't capable of reaching, maintaining, and accomplishing the challenge.

That's my 'philosophy'. In all honesty, I'm young, but that's what I believe.

The realization of how scared I was and how scared I am amazes me. I don't have a damn clue about where the hell I'm going and to be honest I never did, but when my mother gave birth to me, (or as my uncle's say, 'hatched me') I now realized there is a mighty fine damn good reason. I love everything. Optimistically is extraordinaire.  Dreams are fascinating and life is a world wind. But who gives a damn? 

Who cares what people think? Why do they even matter? I don't even know why I'm going on about this point because quite frankly I don't wanna be that person. You know, the one who is all like forget about them haters, their opinion is shit, blah blah blah. 

They aren't wrong, you shouldn't give a shit, but I'm not here to push anything down your damn throat. 

I'm plus size. I'm taller than the average female. I'm not doing this to boast my confidence. I'm not doing this because I have low self-esteem. 

I am doing this because I fucking want to.

I've hidden for so many years because I let society tell me I'm wrong. That I'm too big, I'll never fit in, I'll never be good enough. The doctors, the coaches, family, people I saw as friends, I've heard all of it from them and finally I said fuck it.

God gave me a fucking body to live in. A damn house with air and heating and a roof. Food on the table even when it was shitty or extremely small portion because it's all my mother could afford. He gave me a family. Yeah they bitch at me and we fight and their rude, but isn't everyone? Some of you may not believe in God, but that doesn't even matter.

One day I woke up and decided you know what, I'm tired of putting myself down. I have curves, I flaunt 'em. I'm tall, good thing because I suck at walking in heels. I got a semi-smart head on my shoulders, hopefully it'll take me somewhere. I have a personality that people wanna be around. Jokes aren't my best crowd pleaser, good thing I have one friend, right?

Confidence is an eye opener in the world. Where would anyone be if they didn't have confidence, or someone to push them. You get jostled around in life and you can sit and cry or you can grow the fuck up and put yourself right back out there. Boo hoo. No one cares. Let's be legitament here. 

I'm alone right now, thirteen minutes before New Years and how many people are actually gonna read this? 

See you next time, whenever that is. Hope you enjoyed :)

Abygail, xoxo.

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