Hello, my fabulous readers!

I hope everyone is doing well today. Also, I hope you're excited for this update. I think you will all be very proud of Ariella in this chapter. She is maturing so much and I'm so glad that she's truly stepping up and fitting the role of a mother. I hope you will all see how much she is really trying. Trust me, Ariella is trying her hardest.

Anyways, this is Chapter Thirty-Two! I hope you enjoy it. :) There will only be one or two more chapters after this!

PS- Check out the video on the side! Those guys are so talented. I love Anthem Lights so everyone should check them out.

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Chapter Thirty-Two

Ariella’s POV

I remembered times when I misleadingly believed my mother acted her role. They weren’t that often considering she was always busy working or seeing men. There were several different men in my life before Steve; however none quite left a mark like he did. I suppose I was too young to entirely understand why my mother was always gone or why she always clung to alcohol for as long as I could remember. She didn’t bother to tell my biological father that I even existed until I almost ceased to exist at all. I would never understand why my mother did the things she did. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t seek answers because her life fell to her addiction. She became her addiction.

Even though my mother never really did anything good for me, I still loved her nonetheless. I felt a need to try and take care of her despite her horrible actions. And it wasn’t always what she did do; it was more or less what she didn’t do. She didn’t protect me from my step father like a true mother should’ve. She didn’t look after me when I needed it. When I fell ill, she ignored me. While it was her fault that she wasn’t a good mother, I just knew it was in her nature. I forgave her long ago. It took her death for me to finally be able to forgive her and I still do regret letting her die thinking that I didn’t love her, because it wasn’t true. I did love her but she didn’t love me back. My own mother never loved me and I was the one who had to pay the price for that. I guess that’s why she never stood up to Steve for all those years.

Simple gestures from her – fake or not – was all I needed to feel satisfied. I didn’t realize at the time that mothers weren’t supposed to act that way. I thought it was natural to feel all alone because that was all that I knew. All I had ever known before I met five incredible boys was loneliness. And I accepted that.

I realized that I always accepted less than I deserved. My mindset was triggered to think a certain way and my perception of people was forever changed because of the love that I never received from my mother. I knew that was the reason it took me so long to open up to people, the boys especially. I always knew it but I chose to run from my problems because I was too weak to deal with them. I was scared of affection because I had never witnessed it before.

I could sit all day and point out the many flaws that my mom had in raising me. But I won’t. Instead I vowed to never be that type of parent to my child. In that moment I swore that I would never let my child feel unloved like I had to feel for seventeen years. I would never be like my mother. I wouldn’t allow myself to be so consumed with other things that I would forget about my own child. I knew what type of mother I would be. I knew that I would raise my family in love. Together Niall and I would teach our future children to always love others endlessly. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

When the rest of the boys found out, it was like a madhouse in Harry’s flat. Louis was talking about baby names – his choices being Louis or Louise, of course – and then telling us all about the classes he remembered his mom taking during her pregnancies with his younger sisters.

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