Chapter Thirty-Two

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I wake up and panic for a moment, like every time I don't wake up at home. I look around and try to recall falling asleep, remembering feeling very warm and also the feeling of Oli having his arms around me. As to what happened before and how it came to that, I don't need to think about that, I can still feel that.

Oli still has his arms around me so I try to turn. He seems to already be awake because as soon as he realises I am, he makes a little bit of room for me to turn and look at him. My sleepy eyes open again and I see him smiling. I smile too, having forgotten how this kind of situation can feel. "Good morning" he says with his dorky voice. I laugh quietly. "Morning" I reply. He runs his fingers through my hair and kisses me for just a second. I blink several times to keep my eyes open. "Everything okay?" he asks and I feel his hand run up and down the side of my body underneath the covers. I nod slowly. "Yeah although I do feel a little weak." He chuckles. "Sorry." I slap his chest and turn away from him, as a result he wraps his arms around me from behind and starts covering the back of my neck with kisses that make me giggle until I turn back to him. He still has that smug, cheeky smile on. "And I thought you were just as unsure about everything as me" I admit. He raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, I was and I'm trying my best to conceal it. So I'm very happy to hear that I successfully managed that."

I look at him doubtfully. "Are you for real?" He laughs. "Are you kidding? If you were as nervous as you say, which I didn't notice that much to be honest by the way, I definitely was more nervous and unsure about the whole thing. I feel girls think that guys know what they're doing. I don't. I'm a big nerd that grew up under the impression I was never going to get any. And I fancy you in the way that I didn't think I'd have a shot. So last night, that was pretty incredible and I feel like I dreamt it which is very unfortunate because I'm afraid of waking up any second." I laugh at him rambling and kiss him again.

"Why would you not have a shot?" "I told you, you're really confident and that's pretty sexy, it seems like nothing can throw you off or mess with you." "Well, I think it's safe to say that that's not true because you sure messed with me there last night." Now he's beaming at me so I cover my face, having him chuckle and trying to take my hands into his. "You need to start following your own advice, Bev, don't be insecure and believe in yourself. I mean, what's the matter?" "Just ... being with you is strange. It doesn't seem right." "Because of society's standards?" "Seems like." "You don't think you're sexy but I do. Now I'm not gonna speak for you and say you feel that way about me but I'm going to assume after last night that you are to a certain extent attracted to me so isn't that all that matters?" I bite my lip, looking up into his eyes which make me feel weak again. "You act like you've never been with anybody and I simply can't imagine that" he says. "I've been with people before obviously but they never looked like you." I say, chewing on my lip. "What does that mean?" "You're pretty sexy yourself, believe it or not" I smile. He raises an eyebrow. "I beg to differ." I laugh, shaking my head. "See, now you know how I feel." "But that's different. We hear different kinds of things that makes us believe otherwise. I hear that I'm weird and that I'm nerdy and I know that but..." "But you dress in a way that makes me want to undress you and when you speak I gotta listen because intelligence is also very hot as you may know. And generally, I consider you society's idea of attractive too." He blushes but then he catches himself again. "You need to start thinking of yourself the same way!" he says to me and gently nudges my arm with his elbow. "I've learned to accept how I look which is why I'm confident but I don't go around throwing myself at people because I think I'm so bomb. I also don't need that cliché reassurance that a lot of girls want, I'm not asking you to change my mind. Alright?" "What do you think I think about you, honestly? Because I feel like you totally have the wrong impression." "Don't you think to yourself like 'Yeah, she's fat but I can overlook that because she's fun' or something like tha-...'?"

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