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Japanese New Year Ritual

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This ritual originated in Japan which gives any asked question, whether it be philosophical or seeing who you marry, an answer. Let's be brutally honest and say "Yup, you are getting a 100% definite answer."

One December 31st, avoid the consumption of food or drink and sleep for 24 hours, nor do you go outside. Shut your curtains, too. This will emphasise how much your life sucks. I'm kidding! If you've been offended by that - sorry to hear, but my humour is quite dry and offensive.
Swiftly moving on *clears throat*, on the stroke of 10 O'clock, prepare a basket of goodies. Fruit, basically. In the basket, you'll need:

One pineapple,
Three bananas,
Two apples,
And thirty grapes.

You need this amount exactly. If you don't have 36 pieces of these fruits, you've probably fucked up slightly. Now, here's the awkward part. If you have haemophobia, the fear of blood, please don't hesitate as much as you can because you need to cut your hand. Unfortunately, you can't shut your eyes because you need to make sure that the blood goes onto all of the pieces of fruit. Don't dress the wound and I'll say again, don't close your eyes. Like with many rituals, doing so will prevent the ritual from continuing and it won't work.

And on the stroke of midnight, go to a wooded area and find a clearing. Make a fire and sit by it, and don't move from the way you're sitting, unless you're making sure the fire doesn't go out. I highly recommend that you have dry sticks near you to keep the fire roaring, so the ritual doesn't end abruptly, making you sit there awkwardly, or cause damage to you. When the time is right, you'll feel a presence behind you, don't worry, he's the "Wise One,"a tall, thin man twice your size, two large eyes and a smile containing large teeth. He doesn't wear clothes (that should've been part of the requirements for him, but no matter), doesn't have an expression, and nor does he have a neck. Sorry, I was supposed to meet someone here. I was expecting someone... With a neck. What do you mean that I shouldn't have added a Skyrim reference? One of us is gonna be taking an arrow to the knee... Skyrim is one damn fine game. Anyway, when the "Wise One" appears, look at him dead in the eye; don't get scared or run off screaming, he'll kill you. Don't say a word yet, either. Once he realises that you're unafraid, he will sit and eat the fruit. You must keep eye contact with him.

When he has finished eating the fruits, he'll get up, kneel by your side and whisper in your ear, "What would you like to know?" This is the only time you're allowed to talk to him so think hard on your answer or come already prepared with your question. He'll answer any of your questions, ranging from who Jack the Ripper was and who you'll marry and settle down with. Look into his eyes when answering your question. Once you've asked your question and he's answered it, The Wise One will stand and leave.  Watch him disappear into the trees and once he's out of your view,  you'll fall asleep and when you wake in the morning, you'll find yourself in your bed.

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