The Beginning

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I stared out the window, feeling odd.

I buried my face into my knees that were pulled up to my chest, trying not to cry. It was that out of control, sinking feeling that made me panic and feel so overwhelmed. It put me on edge, it stressed me out and made me feel a bit ill.

 I didn’t want to go to school. It was an ailment that I believed to be common for most kids. I knew it was my senior year, a year that was supposedly meant to bring a sense of joy and accomplishment to many. I was focusing on the fact that I would be the new kid, breaking into this time of nostalgia and special bonding. I was dropping in the middle of the semester; I’d be completely and totally alone. I’d be the weird girl, who moved in from Antarctica. I was now living in a town with less than one thousand people in it. It was very beautiful, but small, it looked frozen in time.

I grew up in Antarctica. My skin was like ice, always pale. I had long blond hair that I wanted to chop off, but was always too scared to. It really said a lot about me, I was very timid. I always had a reserved personality.  I was short in stature, and had simple blue eyes. I never thought of myself as beautiful, I never really thought of myself as anything.

I hated change. I hated that my parents became professors at a nearby university. They were scientists, who ever since I was born, were studying the effects of CO2 in our atmosphere, and a few other million things. I liked waking up, and seeing icebergs out my window. I loved seeing penguins, seeing the polar bears protect their young. I loved that I was just with my parents, and such a tight knitted community of people. We were in such an isolated part of the world; it was the South Pole, it doesn’t get more intimate. I got to live in a place where there were really no typical standards, like a certain type of dress, or personality. I was just me. Now I was in this place, which felt very large to me, even though it was technically small.

I felt like I was going to drown here. I felt like this was far too much change for me. I didn’t know if I’d fail, if I’d struggle. I had no idea if I’d thrive in this environment, or make a single friend. If I did it would be the first. I was incredibly shy, and easily intimidated. I knew it’d be a series of trial and error, a time to learn. I was fearful of what I would experience. When you pull a fish out of water, it can’t breathe. I was horrified that I wouldn’t catch my breath.

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