Survive the Innocence

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The one where Tony isn't a playboy for a good fucking reason

Dedicated to: @greensummers16


Tony's POV

"Tony, you need to get out more," my friend chided.

"I like being alone," I replied honestly from underneath my new '67 Mustang I just bought this morning.

"I don't believe you," he said stubbornly causing me to roll from under the car and glare at him.

"You don't have to," I shot back.



"Ugh, fine. The one time I have a chance at getting a date and you ruin it for me," he grumbled.

Bruce was usually a pretty conservative guy, which is probably why we got along in school, but he was always itching to do something freeing every now and again. The one time we actually went out to a club ended in him fleeing just because a guy asked him to dance.

I used to be more cheery than this, back when I was little. That was a long way in years, but the memories still stuck like it was yesterday. I shivered and forced myself to focus on Bruce so I wouldn't slip make into painful memories.

"-can't believe this," he finished when I zoned back in.

"Ask my brother to go with you. You know Clint, he's more likely to say yes," I rolled my eyes.

"Just give me one good reason why you don't want to go and help your antisocial best friend get a date," Bruce said crossing his arms.

Oh, I had a reason. I had way more than one reason. Maybe because I was abused when I came out as gay to my Dad back when I was ten? Or maybe because after that my Dad often let his friends do as they pleased with me?

My younger brother, Clint, didn't know about the last thing and I wanted to keep it that way. Clint was about five years younger than me and luckily he didn't follow in my footsteps.

I mean, yeah, he was still gay, but he was in the closet about it up until last year. My father died of drug overdose and I originally had to hold in a sigh of relief at the news. That may sound harsh, but so was eight years of abuse.

The first real relationship I was in during college, the guy was only after sex, leaving me feeling dirty and used. Again. There was no way I was falling for any guys charms and hitting that low again.

"Because they're all after sex," I heard myself respond. I stood up from my position and grabbed a rag to wipe my hands.

"Come on, Tony. We're twenty-six year old men. We've all been after it since we hit puberty," Bruce scoffed.

I felt myself grow angry at the topic. Must be nice to choose when you want to lose your virginity. It wasn't a choice for me and that hung over my head like a noose, threatening to choke the life out of me if I mentioned it.

"Yeah, well. Not me," I deadpanned.

Bruce raised his arms in surrender in backed off. I was thankful for that as he left the garage without another word.

The part that was even more sad:

I didn't want to be alone.


I love my brother. I really do, but there's some things that just makes me wanna wrap my fingers around his throat.

"Clint! Why isn't there any food in here? I thought I told you to go grocery shopping last week," I said searching through the fridge and cabinets.

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