I've done nothing but lay in my bed for the past three days; not that I spent any of that time actually sleeping. I could only make it through an hour at the most, before waking up in a hot sweat. Damn this nightmare.
I keep having this dream that I'm at Andrea's house; and the more I try to stay away from her the more she throws herself at me. She pushes me up against a wall and next thing I know; her eyes are bugging out and this... thing, tears itself out of her. I don't know why, but it scares the crap out of me; and I can never get back to sleep after.
"Justin, will you please eat something?" My grandma appeared in my doorway with a bowl in her hand. "I'm not very hungry grams." I gave her a weak smile; which she obviously saw through. She came over and sat down on the bed next to me, placing her hand on my knee. "What's going on? I may be old, but I'm not stupid. I can tell something's bothering you." I looked at her wrinkled face, and the worry that completely covered it; maybe it would be better for both of us if I just told her what had happened.
"There's this girl grams, and I just can't get her out of my head." I started, not wanting to give her more details than necessary. "And this girl is more important than your health?" Her forehead creased as she thought of this. "Grandma it's not just some girl. Ugh, I don't know how to explain it, I just... part of me knows that she'll never want to be with me, and that I shouldn't be wasting my time with her; but another part of me doesn't want to stop trying. A part of me wants to spend every last breath on this girl." I sighed and walked over to the wooden desk that stood across from me. "I didn't know that you had these feelings, you seem too young to be experiencing such a deep understanding of such love." She got up and put her hand on my shoulder, pulling me around to face her. "It's going to be alright; I know you're hurting; but give her time, she just might surprise you." A tear found its way to my eyes, followed by several others; and they started to roll down my cheeks; hitting the floor one by one. "What if she doesn't?" My grams pulled me into her arms and rubbed my back. "There; there, everything will be just fine; trust me." I wrapped my arms around her being careful not to squeeze too hard. Even as a kid I was always afraid of hurting her. "Thanks Grams." I smiled sincerely, and she handed me the food she had brought me. "Eat."
I did as she commanded and ate. She had made me her home-made clam chowder; she knows it's my favorite. She left me alone to my thoughts, to my own little world; which you must know already, consisted of Andrea and nothing more. Why was this so hard? I looked over at the computer screen and noticed it was 5 o clock; and today's Wednesday! I quickly pulled out some clean clothes from the dresser and ran to the bathroom to shower.
I swear I didn't even feel the water hitting me, but I know it was way too hot; because I got out and my skin was as red as a tomato. I winced as I touched my shoulder; I really need to be more careful next time. I threw on my jeans and a black t-shirt, and then looked in the mirror. After applying some deodorant, I pulled out my grandma's hair dryer and decided that this was the only way my hair would be dry in time. In any other case, I would never use any kind of girly crap.
I walked out of the bathroom and into my Grams. "Don't you look handsome?" I smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "I won't be home too late, but don't wait up." I grabbed my car keys and my jacket and ran out to my car. It was freezing out; good thing I brought the jacket. I sped out of the parking lot and then slowed to a reasonable speed, heading for a place that I knew I was probably going to regret.
I pulled up at the church with time to spare and locked my doors before going inside. "Hi, you're Jaye right?" I was greeted by a tall blonde girl, nearly a foot taller than Andrea, but still shorter than me. She shook my hand and seemed genuinely thrilled to see me. "I'm so glad you came back; you should sit with me." I couldn't help but agree, she seemed so excited; and In surprisingly found myself sitting in the front row, right next to Andrea.
I was surprised to see that there was a different speaker than that last time I was here and it intrigued me. "I'm not going to have you guys look up any scripture tonight so I want you to go ahead and put your bibles away." He sat down on a stool and watched us. "I'm going to share part of my testimony with you guys; let you into my head; and hopefully help you to get to know me a little bit better." Who was this guy; and what's a testimony? I was utterly confused, but that just made me want to pay attention. Putting all thoughts of Andrea behind me; I leaned forward in my seat and began to listen to this seemingly normal guy.
"My life before Christ, wasn't something I want to brag about. Drugs, sex, and partying played a big role throughout my teen years. My mother was... not the best parent, but she tried; whenever she wasn't drunk. I grew up in the mindset, that nothing I did mattered; that all this stuff was here for my entertainment and pleasure."
I ran my hands through my hair... I wasn't as bad as this guy, in fact; I've never even been to a party. I can't however say that I'm clean in the other two areas.
"I went to this Christian retreat with a friend. And a guy; much like myself; shared his testimony with us. I just remember sitting there and thinking to myself, 'well, I'm not as bad as that guy...' but it's not the amount of sin that matters, we get punished for sin whether it was doing marijuana and hooking up with random girls; or lying to your mom about breaking her favorite tea pot... So what's the point of even trying if we're going to go to hell anyways... right? Well, I'm sure God thought the same thing. That's why he sent his son here to earth, to die on a cross for our sins. He loved us so much, that he died. And he did it for you"
His eyes caught mine and a wave of electricity shook through me as tears started to pour down my eyes. Who was this God that he cared so much about me? And when did I ask him to kill his son for me?
I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being given a trophy I didn't deserve. I tried to focus on the rest of his speech but I was too overwhelmed at the thought of the pastor's words. "...He died. And he did it for you."
I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up at Andrea; she too had tears streaming down her face. "I know you're still mad at me, but can I pray with you?"
I didn't know what to say... I had never been prayed for before. Did I close my eyes? I had no idea what I was doing. Something in me made me nod my head though, and I watched as she closed her eyes and began to whisper a prayer that only I and God could hear.
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it can only get better... right?Teen Fiction
Jaye, or Justin as his family calls him, is beyond trying to fit in. But he just can't seem to find his place. He only has one friend,. oh and the girl that continues to sit with him at lunch everyday... But what he doesnt know is that she will be t...