Trouble ▸▸ Kellic

16.

"Once again, thank you for the concern, but I'm not in need of your help at the moment," Justin dismissed me in the nicest way possible as I held the fourth door for him today. Letting out a disappointed sigh, I closed the door behind me and followed Justin to class.

"Can't you see I'm trying?" I questioned warily, yawning immediately after. My new bed wasn't the most comfortable, so it was difficult sleeping. Not to the mention the hot temperature; the room maintained a solid seventy-nine degrees.

"Yes and like I've mentioned before, I'm glad you're finally putting others before yourself and changing your attitude, but that doesn't mean I'm your friend again," Justin breathed, walking ahead of me into the classroom. I watched as he sat beside his friend Jack, leaving me with nobody. Rolling my eyes in exasperation, I took a seat by myself and pulled out my entirely completed homework. I assume changing meant I needed to start caring about my grades. I caught Justin giving me a questioning stare as I turned in my papers with an accomplished smile. Never had I turned in anything on time before.

Class went on as usual and I tried my best to keep my focus on our subject instead of what Justin was doing. That was easier said than done, though. It was impossible to stop myself from glancing up at him from the corner of my eye every few moments.

As the bell rang, I decided it was best not to bother Justin. I managed to overhear he had an important project due next period and that he was stressed out about. Instead, I waved at Justin dismissively, muttering a quick 'good luck' before shuffling out of the door. A smile formed its way onto Justin's lips, and this time I knew it wasn't my imagination.

Two halls down, I turned to hurry down a set of stairs when my chest collided with another man's. Usually at this point I would have muttered something insulting at them and kept walking, but I knew better than that now.

"Oh- sorry! I wasn't paying much attention; are you okay?" I spoke up in concern as I watched his feet slip down a few stairs, but the arm railing had managed to keep him from falling. After no response, I let my eyes trail up the man's strangely familiar figure before my gaze hit his face. Immediately, my heart race sped up and stopped at the same time. All my emotions and thoughts were conflicted. It was Vic, of all people. "O-Oh, um... hi," was all I could muster up.

"...Hey," Vic retaliated awkwardly. I could only assume he even responded because I had been so concerned about him getting injured when I bumped into him; ironic.

"Sorry, I'll- um.. I'll watch where I step next time," I explained sheepishly, shuffling to the side and getting ready to run down the stairs when Vic's voice stopped me.

"Kellin!" He spoke hastily, like he was surprised by the urgency in his tone. He wasn't the only surprised one. "Just then, when you ran into me... why didn't you just go on?" Vic asked, mild curiosity lacing his words. A sickeningly familiar burning sensation stung my cheeks. I felt ashamed acknowledging the blush. Why was I blushing? He hated me now and it was completely wrong of me to still have these petty feelings. Maybe it was the fact that he always had a way of knowing everything about me precisely. Anybody else probably would have dismissed the insanely polite concern I gave, but not Vic.

"I guess after- you know, I decided maybe it was time for me to... change my priorities," I admitted, being careful with my choice of words. Vic nodded slightly.

"Me too," he breathed before walking away, not muttering a goodbye or anything else. I stood there dumbfounded for a second. Was he saying he wanted to become somebody better also? My face burned even more, but I dismissed his comment and hurried to my next class which I was almost late for.

--- -

Vic's words had to have glued to my brain because I could not stop thinking about him the rest of the day. The only time I found relief was when I was in class and focusing on my work. In between and after classes, though, my mind was a scattered mess. I wanted everything to be perfect like it almost had been before. I wanted Justin back; I wanted everyone back. So I didn't give up. I kept pursuing, watching Justin's shell deteriorate before my very eyes. Every day we talked a little more, and every day I felt the void in my chest start to fill up with an emotion I wasn't accustomed to; happiness. For the past several years I always thought I was genuinely happy until now. Now I knew what happiness really was and felt like.

And for some odd reason, another foreign emotion felt like it was on the brink within me. Love; probably to best yet horrifying emotion. Loving somebody had always been my biggest fear, because when you love somebody, it shows your vulnerability. Never had I felt so naked and exposed as I did the night I realized all I could think about was breathing in Vic's alluring scent and leaning into his arms. Staring up at the blank ceiling before closing my eyes, I clutched the sheets below me and took a long and deep breath, pondering what Vic was up to. Sleeping probably, but another part of me wondered if he too was lying in bed thinking of me; thinking of where we stood. I sure as hell was.

Unfortunately, love and guilt never blended together right, so I tried to the best of my ability to just forget about the possibility of falling in love with Vic. I tried my best to not imagine how hot his tan skin must burn and how sweet his lips tasted. I tried my best not to lose myself in his scent which seemed a world away, and I tried my best not to fantasize about what our future could be; together.

Slowly, the edges of those dreams seemed to ripple into cotton before I was pulled into reality, and it hurt like hell accepting what was laid out before me. In the end, though, I managed to bring Justin to my side yet again.

"Three weeks and going?" Justin questioned me as I held the lobby doors open for him. I nodded proudly before following his footsteps. Suddenly he stopped in his tracks, turning to face me. "Why?"

"Why what?" was all I could think to say.

"Why are you so determined to fix the broken bridge between us?" Justin questioned.

"Because..." I trailed off, unsure of my words. "Because you're my best friend and I've never needed anybody in my life as much as I need you now. And I'm so sincerely sorry for everything I've done to you in the past. That's not who I am anymore," I spoke, now certain of myself. I felt confident with my words. Justin gaped at me momentarily before a smile flashed onto his face. My body collided with his in a tight and awkward hug, but I couldn't help but to appreciate it, so I hugged him back.

After pulling away, Justin smiled again before he sighed. "You've never called me your best friend before," Justin noted.

"Yeah well..." I muttered, both of us laughing briefly at the uncomfortable atmosphere.

"I'm really proud of you, you know? I see now you're certain of cleaning up your bad path," Justin retaliated, making me smile with accomplishment. And suddenly, things started to fall back in place, except with Vic whom I continued to avoid.

It was too risky and frightening to accept let alone reveal how I felt towards him.