Chapter 61

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Alex's POV

I was really glad to get out of the hospital, and I wasn't. I hated being there, I hated the nurses, I hated the doctors, but I hated coming home. The house would be empty, I would be on my own, at least at the hospital I wasn't alone.

I was still sore and my stomach hurt, so as the taxi pulled up I climbed out slowly, I guess it would be awhile before I was back to normal.

I opened the gate and the first thing I noticed was how empty the driveway was. No car's. I was used to seeing car's here and I took a deep breath, I would be okay, I didn't need them, I was fine on my own.

I made me way inside and went straight upstairs to get changed. I put on my pyjamas, I didn't plan on doing anything anyway except rest. It wasn't like I had any friends anyway.

I shook my head and walked to Lola's room, opening the door. The room was completely empty. She'd left nothing behind.

No, I told myself, you're not doing this, it is what it is and you don't need them.

I closed the door quickly and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I walked in and stopped, fear gripping my chest. I could still feel the pain and I could still hear his voice.

Alex, open your fucking eye's. Alex, OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYE'S. I wished I hadn't, I wished I hadn't opened my eye's, then maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have said it, maybe he wouldn't have threatened me.

I'll kill him Alex, I swear I will and when I do I'm going to make you fucking watch. You're mine Alex and you always will be. I'll make sure it stay's that way even if I have to kill everyone you know, I'll do it Alex, I will. He's fucking dead, it's only a matter of time.

I'd closed my eye's, trying to block out his voice, if I didn't hear him, I could ignore him.

ALEX YOU FUCKING BITCH, DON'T IGNORE ME. Just remember Alex, he's on borrowed time. I'm coming for him Alex, he's already dead.

And then he heard a noise and shut up and I'd closed my eye's wishing none of this had happened.

I really wished none of this happened, I really did.

I wiped my face and walked into the entertainment room. It seemed empty. The Xbox was gone, my couch empty and I walked over, sitting down on it. I leant back, closing my eye's and oh god I could smell him, it was in the couch cushions, his smell, his beautiful smell and I put my hand over my mouth, muffling my sob.

I missed Matt, I missed him so much and I desperately wanted to see him, to touch him, to kiss him. My hurt was so deep that it felt like my insides were aching and I hated it. I wanted Matt. I needed him. But I couldn't have him, to have him would be putting him danger and I couldn't do that, I loved him too much.

I just sat there for awhile, trying not to think about Matt but thinking about Matt, well that was until a knock at the door interrupted me.

I felt my heart jump into my throat and I sat there.

Who could it be? I was here alone and I was scared.

I got up and walked quietly to the door and as I neared, whoever it was knocked again, causing me to jump.

"Who is it?" I demanded, hoping I sounded domineering.

"Alex." He said softly from the other side. "Alex, it's me."

"Go away." I said flatly but my heart was breaking, just hearing his voice.

"Open the door Alex."

"No. Leave."

"Goddammit Alex." He snapped. "Open the fucking door."

"No Matt, I'm not opening the door, just leave, please." I was trying to sound normal only I was failing, I was crying and I knew he could hear it in my voice.

"Don't make me beat this door down."

"Matt please." I said, taking a deep breath. "It's over."

"No it's not, it's not over yet, you owe me an explanation." He said. "So open this door Alex, open this door and tell me to my face that we are done, tell me why we are done."

"Look, just leave me alone."

"Alex." He said softly. "Please."

I closed my eye's, leaning my forehead on the door. I wanted to open it, I really did. I missed him so much, I missed his voice, his touch, I just missed being with him. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't put him in danger, I wouldn't.

"Look Matt." I said sounding harsh. "Get over it. I want nothing to do with you. I know you find it hard to believe that someone would actually dump your ass, but get over it, I have, so please, for the last time, go away."

"Right." He said flatly. "I see."

And that was it, he never said anything else.

I stood, leaning on the door until I heard his car start up and drive away, then I cried, I cried my eye's out, I cried because it was all a lie. I loved him, I loved him so much and I hated being away from him, I needed him so much, my life existed just for him, but now, now he was gone and I was alone.

The only solace I had was that Matt would be safe. Without me he would stay safe.


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