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It's quite different from pain; it hurts a lot more than pain does.

I had to endure around 12 years of pain at one point in my life; I thought nothing could feel worst then that.


Instead of pain, I felt loneliness.

Loneliness, in my opinion, felt worst then pain.

It felt like I was slowly sinking deeper and deeper into quicksand; with no hope of escape.

It felt like I was pushed off of a airplane with no parachute; knowing I would surely die.

It felt like being tied to an anchor and then thrown into the ocean; in the end I would drown to death.

It felt worst then pain by a long shot. I just wanted to sit in a corner and cry and ask what I had done so wrong to deserve something like this.

However, that's was another thing that he affected when he left.

I can't cry anymore...

Even when I'm at the point where I might break; no tears will form.

Even if I'm being tortured and badly beaten; no tears will come to my eyes.

Sometimes I feel I'm being too clingy, he always wanted to become stronger. He told me that; he told me that he wanted to become strong so he could protect me better and become Hokage.

I should be happy for him.

I am happy for him!

But...I feel so alone.

I have my mother, my brother, my father. I have the family I've always wanted and I still feel lonely.

I have Sakura, Hinata, Naoki, Kuro, and all of my other friends but I still feel lonely.

Maybe I'm just being ungrateful.

I have everything I could possibly need...right?

I have Kinase!

She keeps my spirits up from time to time; I'm just thankful she stopped trying to kill me.

However, there's that one incident that...that I can't stop thinking about.

I felt my heart leap in my chest at the thought and I blushed.



I stood on the balcony of my room taking in the view in front of me. I'm glad Tsunade-sama had went through the trouble of building us a castle. The view was amazing!

I smiled softly and stared down at the bright lights below; not realizing my bedroom door had opened then closed.

As I continued staring down at the lights; I felt an arm snake itself around my waist and someone rested their chin on my shoulder.

My breath hitched in my throat and fear struck me as I began to tremble slightly.

"Aw" A familiar voice said teasingly "is little Ruka scared of me? I thought we were good friends."

My eyes widened and I knew exactly who's voice it was.


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