The Incubus

Chapter 4, Scene 5

'I'm so sorry,' the doctor said on Monday morning. 'But I can't pick up anything.'

Justin and Rebecca just stared at the ultrasound monitor, unsure of what exactly the doctor meant, but both too afraid to ask.

'There's no heartbeat,' the doctor clarified. 'On Friday it was weak, but now it's completely gone.' The doctor allowed Rebecca to get dressed as she guided a shaken Justin back to her desk. 'I'm sending you two over to Radiology for a second opinion,' she said, 'although I'm sure that they're probably going to find the same thing.' She saw the frown on Justin's face. 'They have much more advanced technology,' she added, trying to sound reassuring, but at the same time not trying to get their hopes up too much. 'If there's anything, anything at all; they will pick it up.'

'When should we go?' Justin asked, the reality of the situation making him feel light headed and sick in the stomach. He wondered how much extra this whole ordeal would cost them.

The doctor picked up the phone and dialed a short-code extension. 'Hello, Veronica? This is Doctor Taylor, how are you?' She paused to listen to the woman on the other end making small talk. 'I'm glad it worked out for you,' she said, and then got straight to the point. 'Ronnie, I've got a couple here that I'm sending over to you. I'm not picking up a heartbeat on the ultrasound and would like to know if you could take them for a second opinion.'

Justin stroked Rebecca's hand. 'It's going to be fine,' he whispered.

'That would be perfect,' the doctor said and scribbled something on a notepad. 'Justin and Rebecca Greene. Great! I'll send them over right away.'

Justin almost groaned out loud. He felt fatigued. No strength to go through this. He just wanted to lay his head on a pillow and sleep until all this was over.

The doctor placed the note in an envelope and sealed it. 'Take this,' she said and handed the envelope to Justin. 'Give it to the lady at the counter in the Radiology department. She'll assist you.'

'Where is the Radiology department?' Justin asked.

'When you leave this office, just walk straight down the passageway. It's the first entrance on your left.'

Justin nodded and stood up. He had to hold on to the chair for support as the blood rushed back to his head. Rebecca smiled weakly as he helped her up, but the redness in her eyes told a different story.

'Come back here when you're done there,' Doctor Taylor said.

'Okay,' Justin said coarsely. Holding her by the arm, he escorted Rebecca from the office. They slowly made their way to the reception desk at the Radiology department where Justin handed the note to the lady behind the counter. They were asked to wait, and a few minutes later they were led to the x-ray room. The coldness and emptiness of the room reminded Justin of a typical scene in from those old science fiction movies where the government stored and dissected alien beings.

'Lie down here,' an overweight nurse with a stern face commanded Rebecca. The process was similar to that at Doctor Taylor's office, but the equipment looked somewhat different. For the briefest moment, Justin felt a glimmer of hope when he saw a pulse on the screen. The Radiologist informed him that it was merely Rebecca's heartbeat. 'What we're looking for,' she said, 'are little colourful dots on the screen. That would be the heartbeat.' She pointed to a certain area on the screen. 'You see these pulsating dots here?' she asked. Justin and Rebecca both nodded. 'Those are her veins. You see them as coloured dots on the screen because of the blood pumping through them.'

'Okay,' Justin said.

'This is where the baby is,' she said and pointed at another spot. 'And as you can see, there are no dots.' She pressed some buttons and zoomed in on the image, but still there were none of the colourful dots near the baby's heart.

Justin swallowed hard at the knot in his throat.

Finally the doctor shook her head. 'There's nothing there,' she said. Justin noticed the lack of emotion and wondered how a person that did this for a living dealt with telling hopeful parents the same news every day.

The Radiologist signed a note and sent them back to Doctor Taylor's office where they waited another thirty minutes before she was free to see them again. Justin handed her the note and as she read it, her eyes saddened. Both Justin and Rebecca knew what she was going to say even before she spoke.

'I'm sorry,' she said softly. 'There was nothing.' She waited a while for the information to sink in. 'As I said before; one in three pregnancies end this way.' She said it as if it was supposed to make them feel better. 'We don't know why it happens. It just does.' Justin squeezed Rebecca's hand and she squeezed back. He couldn't begin to imagine how she must feel through the entire ordeal. 'You have two options,' Doctor Taylor said matter-of-factly. 'You can have the fetus removed surgically with a scrape, or you can wait for it to happen naturally.'

What kind of choice is that? Justin wondered. He bit his lip and saw a tear slide down Rebecca's cheek. 'What do you think, baby?' he asked her softly. He figured that it was her body and that she alone had a say in the matter.

'You could wait until the end of this coming weekend to see if something happens,' the doctor said. 'And then if nothing happens, we can do the procedure on Monday morning.'

'To see if something happens?' Justin asked, and for a brief moment he felt a glimmer of hope. 'To see if there's a heartbeat?'

Doctor Taylor sadly shook her head. 'There's no heartbeat,' she said as if telling him something new. 'Waiting the week would be to see if the fetus aborts naturally. If nothing happens, I will have to operate.'

'Do you want to wait?' Justin asked Rebecca. She didn't answer, but nodded slightly as she looked down to hide her tears. Justin looked at the doctor. 'We'll wait,' he said.

They thanked the doctor for her time, and left the office. When they got to their car, Justin turned around and took Rebecca in his arms. She couldn't keep it in any longer and burst into tears. Justin just held her tightly. He had no words of comfort. Nothing to say that would make it easier for her; nothing that would make the pain more bearable. So he just stood there, feeling small and powerless as he held his crying wife.