Speak [Narry]

Chapter 3

Liam went with Harry to Louis' room, knowing they had to save Niall. Louis was in his room, sitting on his bed and staring out the window.

Harry asked for Louis' letter straight up. Louis, after a few moments hesitation and ten minutes of persuading, gave Harry his letter.

Dear Louis,

I love you, you know that right? You're one of my best friends and even if we're not as close as we are to the other boys, you still matter so much to me.

I'm not completely sure if this will affect you or not. I'm going to kill myself, Louis. I'm leaving to try to sort things out, maybe I'll see a therapist- they can't tell anybody about my secrets, but I doubt any of it will help. Still, help is what I need, so I'm going to get it.

Harry froze, frowning. Niall didn't tell any of them he was gonna get help. Harry wondered why.

I'm telling you this because I know you're the one person who won't come after me. You won't try to find me. If that sounds mean, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I love you, Louis.

Oh, Harry thought.

I'm hoping writing these things down will be help enough, but I've written every letter so far and it's not helping me. I'm not sure this will either.

I'm telling everyone their own secret. I promise I didn't tell anybody each other's secret. I've written seventeen letters already, yours is the eighteenth and final.

Eighteen? Harry wondered. He'd only seen three, and of course there was Zayn's. Who else did he write to? Fourteen other people? Who could they be?

I'm going to miss you, Lou, and of course you know your own secret. I hate to remind you of this, but at least I won't be around for you to take your anger out on.

Harry looked up at Louis, frowning, and turned the page over. Louis wouldn't look at Harry, already knowing that Harry was going to be angry- so much more than angry.

Liam was there too, looking over Harry's shoulder to read. Lucky for them, they read at the same pace.

You used to abuse me, Lou. Remember? I hope you didn't forget. You'd come home every day, stressed, and you'd hit me. You'd hit me, kick me, do absolutely anything to hurt me. You saw the scars I left on my hips, the ones most people leave on their wrists, but I didn't want anyone to see. I told you that you made me do it, I wanted to take away the pain from the bruises and the pain from your words, so I took to hurting myself. You hit me for blaming you. You hit me so much I had to go to the hospital.

I wasn't awake when the other boys asked you what happened, so you told them I got mugged. They never saw my hips, thank god, they never saw all the extra bruises, only the fresh ones on my face and shoulders. The doctors didn't mention the other bruises or scars. I asked them not to.

Harry remembers that day. He'd been so scared. Niall's head was bleeding and his lip was busted. He couldn't believe his best friend did that.

You went to therapy after that. Anger management. I thought maybe you cared about me, you wanted to stop hurting me, but you only went because you didn't want to get caught.

I'll still miss you, Louis. I still love you. This didn't work, writing everything down. I even saved yours for last because what you did hurt the most but it didn't help. Lucky for you, I suppose. Goodbye, Lou.

"You hurt him." Harry said, his eyes wide and he moved the paper away from his eyes, glaring at Louis. "You hurt him so much. You pushed him to the edge! What the actual fuck, Louis?!"

Louis didn't say anything. He didn't even look at Harry. That only made Harry that much more furious rather than calming him down, as Louis had hoped.

"Answer me!" Harry demanded. "Why did you hate him?! Why did you hurt him?! Fucking hell, Louis, you knew I loved him!"

"That's why I hurt him!" Louis said. He glanced at Harry for a moment. "I didn't mean to do it. I-I mean . . . I just wanted him gone. I-I didn't want to hurt him, Haz, I didn't-"

"Don't fucking call me that! What do you mean you wanted him gone?! Are you happy he's gone now?! Are you happy he's going to fucking die?!" Harry's voice was full of anger.

"No!" Louis said, slightly offended that Harry would think that. But after that letter.... he wasn't surprised. "I'm not happy, Harry, I'm so hurt. I'm in so much fucking pain."

"Why the fuck did you hurt him?!" Harry screamed. Liam had taken the letter from Harry, who's fists were clenched like he was going to punch Louis. "Where the hell did that get you?"

"Closer to you." Louis whispered, hardly loud enough to hear. He was ashamed of what he had done, so ashamed that it hurt.

"What?!"

"I love you!" Louis shouted. "Didn't you catch on to that?! I fucking love you, Harry! I wanted you to be mine. I wanted you to love me! I went to therapy because I wanted to learn how to let you be happy without me in the picture! I just wanted a fairytale, Harry. I wanted you. I wanted you." Louis voice broke at the end, getting weaker as he continued to scream. Harry stood frozen, trying to wrap his head around everything.

"You . . ." Harry paused, letting every word Lousi had just said sink in. And for a moment he was calm. "you hurt him because you . . . you wanted me . . . to yourself?"

"And I got better because I wanted you to be happy." Louis whispered. Harry screamed, literally screamed, and threw himself at Louis, fists flying and punching Louis, over and over.

"You fucking selfish bastard!" Harry had never, ever been like this. "How dare you hurt him?! How dare you, how dare you?!"

Harry continued screaming and punching, and Louis didn't even try to fight back. He lay limp, taking each and every punch to his nose, cheeks, and mouth. Liam, shocked into a state of staring, frozen, finally kicked into the scene. He put the letter down quickly and grabbed Harry, prying the younger boy off Louis.

"You fucking prick!" Harry screamed, half at Louis, half at Liam. He thrashed around, screaming. "Let me go! I'll kill him! I'll fucking kill him!"

"Harry, Harry, calm down!" Liam shouted over Harry's screaming. He held Harry tightly, his hands wrapped tight around the younger boy's biceps. Harry melted in Liam's arms, and Liam had to hold him up now.

"I'll kill him, I'll kill him." Harry kept whispering through sobs. His knees were buckling but he kept himself up, turning his face away from Louis.

"Ssshhh, Harry." Liam whispered, stroking his curls. He pulled Harry into a tight hug. Louis watched with envy heavy in his heart. He wanted to be Liam, he wanted to comfort Harry for something he caused. But he couldn't, because Harry hated him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Harry whispered, not quite sure who he was talking to. He collapsed, his body heavy, and he fell out of Liam's arms- straight to the floor.

"Harry!" Liam dropped to his knees beside the Harry, pulling the now unconscious boy into his arms. For a terrifying moment, he thought Harry had died from a heart attack or something, but he felt quite dumb for thinking that after a moment.

"Oh god." Louis said. His eye was swelling and his nose was bleeding but he didn't seem to care. "I ruined everything."

"No, Harry just doesn't understand." Liam said. He pulled Harry up, with Louis holding Harry's legs, and placed him on the bed. "You never meant to hurt Niall, I know you didn't."

"I love Niall so much." Louis sobbed. Liam pulled a tissue out of the tissue box on Louis' nightstand, handing it to Louis for his nose. "I was so jealous, Liam, I don't know why I did it. I cried every night, I was too numb to go help him. What do I do, Liam? Harry hates me now."

"I'll talk to him with you, okay?" Liam said. "He'll understand sooner or later, he just needs some time alone right now. Why don't you go get Zayn and his letter? Harry can read it when he comes to. We'll all find Niall together."

Louis nodded, shuffling out of the room, his body jerking with sobs, to go find Zayn. He hoped they would find Niall, and he hoped Harry would forgive him, but most of all, he hoped Harry would end up happy, no matter who he was with.