Change Is Yesterday.

Chapter 28: But Where's Your Heart?

"Maybe we should go somewhere a bit more private, erm, Jared?" Alex had unfrozen at the sight of me. He was looking at me out of the corner of his eye, extreme concern in his eyes. 

"Jared? Do you think you can call me that? Idiot. It's 'sir' to you." And it was starting again.

"What did you just say?! Hmm? Who the fuck do you think you are?! You turn up here after thirteen years  of nothing, and all you have is abuse for my fiancé. No hello? No 'how's your life been without any parents?'. Well you know what? It's been just fine without you. In fact, it's been pretty amazing considering. I'm getting married, I have amazing friends. I am happy. Something I haven't been for a long long time. So if you think you can just appear now and ruin all that, you can seriously think again." Alex stared at me, his eyes practically bulging out of his head. Every single face in the crowd was the same - shock mixed with curiousity. Except his.

"Have you quite finished your childish paddy? No-one particularly wants to hear about your oh-so-hard-life. And quite frankly, you are embarrassing me." I didn't even know what to say to him. So many words bubbled on my tongue, but none of them would make this situation any easier. I just wanted him gone. I'd been fine without him all these years, so I certainly needed him less than ever now.

"What do you want? What have you come here to say?" I just wanted this to be over. I wanted him gone so I could cry into Alex's chest, he would make everything okay again. He'd fix me.

"Can a father not just come and see his daughter? Or is that a crime now?" He actually sounded offended. A gasp erupted from the crowd. We all turned to look at the girl who's distracted us. She shrunk back behind her friend.

Alex took opportunity of the momentary silence, "guys, seriously, we should go somewhere more private. There's a secluded tree just down the track. In spite of the tangible tension, I still turned to giggle at Alex, he couldn't resist winking back at me. 

"No. We can do this here." That brought me back down to reality.

"Do what exactly, huh?" His cold blue eyes, piercing my skin, making me shiver as a streak of ice shot down my spine.

"Stop this marriage." That gained another gasp from the crowd. It was beggining to sound like a pantomime, especially as the crowd grew by the minute. I had absolutely nothing worth saying to him. Alex and I knew what we wanted and we knew us getting married was the right thing to do. We didn't have to prove that to anyone, especially him. I looked at Alex, who was already staring at me. He reached his hand out for mine and I gladly placed my hand in his palm. We'd held hands so many times as friends, but somehow now it felt different. It felt like having his hand to hold was all I needed. It sounded cheesy and cliché, but it was such a strong feeling. Without him, I wasn't complete somehow, I learned that the hard way, making me appreciate him all the more.

His fists clenched at the sight of our hands. 

"You don't deserve to be happy! You abandoned your family, you denied us!" I squeezed Alex's hand tight and glanced at him, he smiled encouragingly at me. He knew I needed all his support for what I was about to say. I was going to dig up some painful things, memories I'd tried so hard to suppress and had succeeded to do so for a long time. But now it was time to get everything out in the open. He needed to know the truth, now more than ever.

"I abandoned the family? There was no family to abandon when mum died! You left with Drake and left me with nothing. I had no mother, no father and no brother. So I had no family. I changed my name because I wanted to hold on to as much of mum as I could, we were a family when she was alive, so I guess I wanted to belong to that memory. I didn't want to be part of whatever this is. You're a stranger to me now, I don't even see you as a father anymore." My voice had broken in several places. That was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to say. I had never explained that to anyone before, not Alex, not even Josh. It had always been too painful and they didn't want to hurt me, so when they asked and I tried to avoid the subject, they let it go. By the end of my speech, Alex had pulled me into a hug, after flinching at every break in my voice. He hated how hard this was for me. 

Tears were falling now. I couldn't stop them. Talking about my mum that way, uncovering the effect her death had on me sent such raw pain through my heart; I was so glad Alex's arms were around me right now, he was holding me together.

The man I used to admire, who I looked up to, thought the world of, was staring at the tears falling down my cheeks. His expression softened and he turned to walk away.

"Wait..." I held a hand out for him to come back.

He stopped dead in his tracks, and without even looking back, he said, "no Connie. This is the way it has to be. It's too late." I buried my face into Alex's shoulder, and he pulled me even closer. I couldn't watch him walk away again. 

"Can you guys leave please? There's no spectacle for you to gossip about anymore."

"It's okay beautiful. Everything will be just fine now, you'll see." I pulled away from his chest and looked up at him with my ear-stained eyes. He wiped away a tear that was halfway down my cheek and smiled that breath-taking smile, that made me unaware of everything else.

I nodded. "Yeah. I know it will." A grin spread across his face and he leaned down to kiss me softly.

"Now c'mon, we'd better go apologise to Jack." He laughed and took my hand and lead me in the direction he thought Jack would be.

"I love you Bubbles."

"I love you too beautiful."