What Now?

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What Now?

                My heart ached. I couldn’t explain why. I hadn’t known her for long, I guess I really didn’t know her at all, but I felt like she just ripped out my heart and stomped on it as she walked away from me. I thought that she had wanted that. She started the kiss. She kissed me. And then she pushed me away and left.

                I knew this girl was bad news.

                Yeah, I know.

                I told you.

                You told me she wasn’t real.

                She was bad news.

                I know.

                My entire body hurt really. My lips felt cold, almost frozen, everything actually felt colder. I could still feel her hand in my hair, like she was still pulling me closer. I felt…empty without her touching me, or at least being near me.

                I hated her for that.

                For leaving.

                I unlocked the front door and looked into the living room. He was passed out, which meant I didn’t need to deal with him tonight. I could go upstairs and go to sleep. That’s all I wanted. Sleep. A dreamless sleep. No haunting green eyes, no full lips, no curly hair. No Erica. I wanted peace for tonight.

                I didn’t get it. No, the universe either didn’t hear me or didn’t care, because I got those dreams again. Maybe it takes awhile for wishes to get to the universe, because my first one was answered that night. I remembered every detail of that damned dream.

                We were walking in the snow, our hands entwined together. She laughed at something, that beautiful laugh, and then turned to me with this big smile that made my heart skip a beat.

                She stepped close to me, too close to be just friendly. She licked her lips and raised her head to my ear and whispered, ever so quietly, “Kiss me.”

                And so I did.

                Her lips were soft, and her hands wrapped around my neck while one hand tangled itself into my hair again. I had a hand on the small of her back and the other was against her cheek.

                She never pushed me away or left.

                I didn’t want to leave.

                But that alarm ripped me from the dream again. I shut it off and stood up. I grabbed a pair of jeans and a random shirt, some boxers and plain socks. I never wore plain socks. They were boring and lifeless. Maybe that’s why I grabbed some today, that was kind of how I felt. Plus hurt.

                I showered quickly, brushed my teeth, and left without doing my hair. I wasn’t in the mood for all of that. I just wanted to leave and bury myself in whatever work I had today.

                Nobody was awake yet, so I was able to leave without much trouble. I grabbed my bike and started on my way to school. I didn’t think about anything, I didn’t really have the energy to deal with anything I wanted to think about. Instead, I just focused on the road ahead. Which now included a girl, wrapped up in a jacket, a scarf, and a hat with ear flaps and curly red-brown hair. I just narrowed my eyes and peddled faster to get around her, and even more importantly, away from her.

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